If You'd Let Me

Chapter 15

I woke up on top of him on the couch. I must have fallen asleep. I rested comfortably on top of him, his arm securely around my waist. I gazed up. He was already — or still — awake, watching me with a small content smile. He played with my hair with his free hand, content to stay silent. I was grateful for that. I just watched him watch me.

"What time is it?" I asked, my voice hoarse from sleeping.

"Nearly time for dinner. You were out for a few hours." He answered the silent question.

I smiled, or at least attempted to. "I'm sorry." For falling asleep on you. For leaning on you. For crying in front of you. I didn't say those things out loud, but I think he knew. He always seemed to know.

He just smiled, "No need to be sorry." He moved a strand of hair out of my face. "I'd gladly do it again, and again, and again. If you'd let me."

I was grateful for such kindness, even though I didn't deserve it.

I nestled my head in the crook of his neck, basking in his body heat. I didn't answer him. We just laid there in comfortable silence. I listened to his heart beat contently, hearing him breathe. Hearing his every breath, feeling him inhale and feeling him exhale. It was calming. Maybe I wouldn't drown. Maybe I could breathe. Maybe everything would be okay. I was safe here.

I trailed my finger over his arm, silently observing everything within view, while Zed continued to play with my hair. I let him because it felt nice. This all made me feel like I belonged. That I belonged somewhere. I didn't, but it was nice to pretend. Even if it was only for an hour, or a few minutes, or a few seconds.

It was nice to pretend like my life was normal. That I was normal.

I saw an empty coffee mug on the coffee table. Eliza must have brought it when I was already asleep, or at least close to asleep. I saw her walk out of the kitchen, stopping in the door frame. She leaned against it, watching us. I watched her as she silently watched us.

"Is he awake?" she whispered softly in case I was still asleep. It was thoughtful of her. I didn't know why she thought I deserved such kindness, but apparently she thought I did.

"He is," Zed mumbled back softly, even though I was already awake. "Is dinner ready?"

I felt his chest move with every word he spoke.

"Yeah."

"Alright, we'll be right there."

She caught my eye. I blushed at the position she had found us in, but she didn't say a word about it, just smiled as she headed back to the kitchen.

Zed hummed softly.

I gazed up and he smiled like the sun, like I lead him from the deep waters to the safe shore. Like I was the one that brought him safely to the beach. He smiled like I was a lifeguard saving him. He smiled like I was his lifeline. He smiled like everything would be well. He smiled like the sun.

"Hungry?"

I hummed.

"C'mon then."

I got off him and helped him up. I shivered at the loss of body heat. He grabbed my hand and pulled me along to the kitchen.

"Are you cold?" he asked softly.

I wanted to deny it. I didn't want to be a burden. I wasn't worth it. "Yeah, a bit," I spoke honestly.

He let go of my hand, "I'll be right back."

I nodded and entered the kitchen, which was also used as the dining room.

Eliza was busying around, setting the dishes on the table. I silently helped her. I was putting the last plate down, when Zed came up behind me. I could feel his chest up against my back.

"Here, wear this," he held a dark green hoodie out in front of me. I took the hoodie from him, smiling.

Zed let his hand trail up my arm, before he let go. Then he moved away to take a seat opposite to me.

I pulled the hoodie on. It was extremely soft and warm, and it smelled like him. I loved it. I might just snatch this hoodie from him. It was that comfortable.

I took my seat, as did Eliza. Dinner was nice. I rarely shared meals with people, but I enjoyed it.

Halfway through dinner I felt Zed's foot brush my ankle. I looked up at him, falling silent in the middle of my sentence. He simply continued the conversation with Eliza and I rejoined them a second later. He had a faint smile on his face. It was a silent, teasing comfort — silent support. I tried to keep myself from beaming, but I still think a trace of a smile played on my face. And Zed hadn't missed it.

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