If You'd Let Me

Chapter 16

The next few days were bad. Well the weather was. It rained a lot and it was really windy. Mentally I was spacey, lost in thought often. More often than not either Car or Flanna had to pull me back into the conversation, but only if they needed my opinion or if I needed to hear it.

I wasn't interested in sparring so any lingering bruises healed. Zed noticed, though I think Eliza did too, but simply kept quiet.

He always kissed my bruises or caressed over them with his thumb. I had asked him why he always did that. He answered that his mom used to do that when he was younger whenever he was hurt.

"To let me know she had seen my pain. It was her silent way of acknowledging someone's hardship," he had said. "I think it's a nice way — a good way of showing someone you care."

And I had thought that it was such a beautiful gesture. Such a beautiful way of showing someone that they mattered and that they cared about their wellbeing. It had brought tears to my eyes. It was such an intimate gesture. Something I had never experienced before.

When my family was still alive, they hadn't been like that. They cared, but they didn't show it. My friends, the few I had made, in my youth were like that too. After my youth, friends had been sparse and the few I made, I often didn't let in.

I blinked the tears away and cleared my throat. I tried to smile, but Zed saw right through it. I was grateful he kept quiet about it. Though all my bruises cleared and healed nicely, Zed continued to kiss and caress my skin just the same. He didn't need to see bruises on my skin to know I was hurt. He could see my bruised heart and my bruised soul. He could see the bruises on the inside.

I nearly cried again when I realised what he was doing. That he knew I suffered even if bruises didn't mare my skin. Zed always seemed to know. He was observant like that.

He liked watching people. There were times he didn't speak much and instead chose to watch. He once told me it was easier to see when he didn't speak — that it was easier to catch things when he kept quiet. I wondered what he saw and what all the things he noticed about me were.

+++

I had the afternoon off and it was very windy. The trees danced to the violence of the sky and I loved every part of it. It let me know that even nature raged sometimes. It was a comfort to  know.

I spend the entire afternoon on the roof of my apartment building, laying on my back watching the clouds or simply lost in thought, thinking about everything and nothing at the same time. It was calming to sit there as the wind blew violently.

I listened to the song the wind howled, trying to make out what it was trying to tell me. It told me about the people in the city, about all the places it had been and things it had seen. I was in awe of all its stories.

My phone rang. I blinked. The sky was dark, the evening fast approaching. I hadn't noticed. I searched for my phone and answered it once I located it.

"Hello?" I breathed out. I hadn't bothered to check the caller ID.

"Hi," Zed answered.

I sighed in relief. I don't know what I had been scared of but I was happy it was Zed. Zed was okay. I liked Zed.

"How are you?"

"I'm fine," I answered confused. "Why? What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," he chuckled. "You forgot you were going to meet up with Liz tonight. She was worried when you didn't show up."

"I'm sorry," I mumbled. Eliza had slipped my mind entirely. "I lost track of time."

"Yeah?" he sounded amused. "What were you doing?"

"Just staying on the roof. It's peaceful up here. The wind's singing me songs. Have you heard its songs?"

"No, I haven't."

I hummed.

"Tell me about them. What do they say?"

I smiled and told him all about the songs of the wind. Of how it raged, but also about how it told me stories of the people in the city and of all the places it had been.

Zed was listening eagerly, asking me a few questions about the stories. "Hey," he suddenly said, "look behind you."

I looked behind me and there he stood in all his glory with his phone still to his ear. He cut the call and approached me after I waved him over. I beamed at him. "Hey," I responded.

He was dressed to the nines, still in a formfitting grey suit from work. He had discarded his suit jacket and rolled up his sleeves of his button-up. He sat down next to me. He grabbed my hand and caressed his thumb over my hand. He held my hand and I didn't pull away. We sat there for a while, just enjoying the evening.

"C'mon, let's head to Liz'."

I smiled, humming in agreement.

He stood up and pulled me up by our still connected hands. We walked hand in hand to his car. He drove us to Eliza's place, holding my hand all throughout the drive. Then when we arrived and we both got out of the car, he had to let go of my hand, but he quickly grabbed my hand again after he rounded the car.

I looked down at our interlinked hands and then looked up.

He smiled at me and I smiled back at him. We spend the entire evening at Eliza's place holding hands. It was comfortable. I liked holding his hand. Only when we both crashed at her place for the night did we let go, but only to snuggle together.

We had slept in the same bed before so it wasn't weird. I lay my head on his chest and he pulled my closer to him with the arm around my waist. He kissed the top of my head. I nuzzled closer to him. He couldn't keep the nightmares away, but he grounded me when they came.

+++
Don't forget to vote <3