The Knight in Leather Armor

ch.48 Promises

I slammed the door behind me.

Danny looked up from his mountain of bills.

“Hey!” he half greeted, half protested my rudeness.

“Hi” I replied curtly.

I kicked off my shoes and headed for my room.

“Wait” Danny called as he stood up from his seat.

I held onto the banister and turned to look at him.

“What?” I asked impatiently.

Danny just gave me a hard glare with an ounce of solemn remorse. Something was on his mind. Something that made him feel emotion. And he never felt emotion, especially not the sad kind.

Immediately, I felt horrible for my rude entrance.

“Dinner’s ready” he told me.

I looked at the table.

“Doesn’t look like it” I spoke back. I never speak back to Danny.

“Excuse me?” he asked as he raised his voice carefully.

I shook my head.

“That’s what I thought” he replied curtly.

“Now set up the table” he ordered calmly.

He plopped his things down on an empty chair.

I nodded and began bringing the plates, cups, and utensils.

We ate in silence for the first couple minutes.

“How was school?” he asked blandly. As blandly as the spaghetti. He didn’t add the green bell peppers like I told him to.

“Fine”

“How was work?” I asked with as much interest as the pencil decaying under my bed.

“Fine”

We were tied: 1-1.

“Fitzgerald called. Said you wrote about some guy” he told me in a careless monotone.

I looked away.

“Who’s this guy?” he asked calmly.

Oh, God. Not this again. And especially not know.

“He’s a character, Danny. Relax” I told him. And it was true. Harry wasn’t real. There’s no such thing as a knight in shining or leather or whatever type of armor he has. He lived in a fairytale and that’s where he belongs. 

Plus, I wasn’t even sure if he’s read The Outsiders, or any book for that matter. I didn’t know much about Danny and I was starting to feel a bit ashamed.

“Not from what I read” Danny added quietly.

I stared up at him.

“You read it?” I asked as calmly as I could.

He nodded.

He really has NO respect for my privacy.

So why should I respect his rules?

“Since when could you read?” I retorted coldly.

Danny was quiet a moment.

I stood up from the table.

“Where are you going?” he demanded.

“Home” I spat.

I didn’t know what I meant, but I had Harry in mind. And I shook him away from my thoughts. 

“Angela!” he shouted, but I was already half-way up to my room.

I pulled out my essay and I threw it on my bed like it might poison me if I touched it too long.

Danny stood at my door, watching me with wide, unsure but determined dark eyes. He was always so determined. How could he always be so determined, even when he was so unsure?!

I took the paper and ripped it to shreds of papery tears, tears so wet they were dry.

I swallowed hard as throat closed in on me and my own tears started to fall over the scraps of my words.

Danny grabbed my wrists and spun me around to face him.

“Angela! What are you doing?!” he demanded. He was scared. He was scared but he would rather die than show it.

I yanked away from his grasp and ripped the papers into tinier bits, making the words disappear forever.  I wanted to take Harry’s note to me and rip it up, too, but Danny was here.

“ANGELA!” he shouted and he spun me around and settled me down on my bed, forcing me to look him in the eyes.

“Angela” he spoke softly now. His voice was quivering. I hadn’t meant to scare him so much, but something told there was more to it. He was keeping something from me.

I wiped away a stray tear, but I refused to look him in the eyes.

Then he was deathly quiet a moment.

I looked into his eyes and saw the sliver of blackened gold inside him.

He shook his head.

“I failed you” he told me quietly. He knelt down on his knees and took my wrists in his bulky hands.

“I’m sorry Angie” Danny apologized.

“It’s not your fault, Danny” I reassured him. I had no idea why he was taking the blame. He had done nothing wrong but himself, his authoritative, protective self.

I was mentally and emotionally broken but I wasn’t dying of a terminal illness. I was going to be ok.

“I promised dad that I would take care of you and I failed” he shook his head in disappointing guilt.

I took a deep breath as I realized what he was so heartbroken about.

“Danny-”

“No, Angie. I did. I did fail. I lost my job. And I’m supposed to protect you from everything. I’m supposed to provide for you in every way, but I can’t. I can’t do that. Not the way dad could with-with mom” he shook his head in utter disappointment and guilt.

I had never once thought about what dad’s death meant to Danny. Or even mom’s.

I felt my stomach churn with my own guilt. I had always assumed that because he was always so hard-headed and dense that he just showed little emotion. But I was wrong. He kept everything bottled up for my sake. Because we couldn’t have two cry babies in the house.

“He loved you, Angie. He loved you and- and mom so much, that’s why he worked with those men. He wanted us to live in a castle full of gold and knights in shining armor and-” he trailed on as the memories flooded back.

I nodded slowly, afraid the tears would start rushing back.

“Danny, it’s ok” I told him, but I was also trying to reassure myself.

Danny nodded quietly and he wrapped his dense arms around me. And I realized he was hugging me. He hasn’t hugged me in so long that I forgot that his hard, muscled body was capable of feeling soft and vulnerable.

He stroked my hair softly and I kissed his shoulder.

“There’s no such thing as knights and gold” I half-whispered in a breaking voice.

He nodded.

“I thought you of all people knew that, Danny” I added in an almost incomprehensible murmur.

“I did. I do” he replied. 

***

And we were both quiet a moment. We had never allowed ourselves to be so vulnerable together. 

But I broke the moment with my thoughts. I promised Harry not to make any deals with Louis. But what's a promise? A series of words with no weight or meaning. 

I nodded into Danny's shoulder.

I knew. I knew what I had to do.