lucent (adj); softly bright or radiant
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My brother's hand traces the cut on my right cheek for some minutes. I have no idea how a cut can be so interesting, but I won't judge a book by its cover.
He unexpectedly moves and places a he...
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It's been a whole week since I got here. When I glance at myself on the mirror, a pair of bluish eyes stare back at me, shattered and glistening, familiar to me but not completely.
I thought the pain of my sister's tragic death would go away with time, but that's not being the case with me. Every day feels heavier, as if the pain were only getting worse. I miss her so much and I don't have a clue about how to manage my feelings.
I suppress them when I'm hanging out with my brothers; Kipp seems to be very fond of me now and is always suggesting new things for us to do together. Bake a cake, go for a walk around the enormous garden (which I had not seen before), play table games such as Monopoly and Uno (a spanish game he introduced me to), watching more movies (all The Hunger Games ones)...
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But when I'm alone in the peacefulness of my bedroom, my tears are never-ending. I want the pain to stop because it doesn't feel nice at all and thinking about having to carry it for the rest of my life seems an impossible thing to do.
I haven't seen Voski since the day we talked — well, more like he was trying to persuade me into asking for help and into talking about Veli — which is perfectly good for me. He is too much of a reminder of her presence for me; their identical eyes oppressive.
I've seen Nikolai very few times, same as Mayne (luckily) but Lennox's spend a lot of time with me as he was treating my wounds. Every single day he'd call me for our daily check-up, which I've been hating with passion.
It's both physical and emotional pain I'm going through right now.
My nightmares are another totally different topic of conversation. The sun makes an appearance at half past seven in the morning; which sometimes wakes me up for five minutes. Although when I take notice it's day already my mind is able to rest and I go back to sleep. He won't harm me on plain daylight.
I usually go to bed at five and wake up around ten or eleven by Ezekiel or Lennox. Not Kipp because he's got school, which I'm starting in two weeks time unfortunately. I dread having to go to a place where I'll probably make no friends. I've gone to a couple of therapists who have both told me starting a conversation with someone won't kill me 'cause they don't bite. It's not that I'm completely afraid of engaging on a small talk with a person (only partially), but my mind has this stupid habit of going blank.
If I were talking to my older sister, I'd be babbling continuously without processing any words before they slip out of my mouth. It's like the topic of conversations are endless when I was with her. I never was afraid to speak my mind.
