MAKE ME

12

Gabriel

My head hurts. It felt like everything was going round and I was at a stand still. I tried moving but my body opposes the motion. Every thread, every fibre of me stuck to my sheets. I turn to the side and curl into a ball. Bot my hands tucked between my thighs. I was feeling hot that my whole body trickled with sweat. At the same time I was so cold I couldn't take the blanket off.

My heart was heavy. I felt like crying but no tears could form. Dread and loneliness embraced me. Still I pushed away the one guy that was almost getting to be my safe place. Why did I torture myself so much.

My phone vibrates once again and I think of turning it off. Once again it was Trevor. We had had our fun moments but that had to come to an end. As a responsible adult I had cut off all communication with him. Not a very responsible action but it was necessary.

I sent a letter for him to be transferred to another company. I sent my secretary for a new phone line which was on the way. Soon I would be done with him.

The doorbell rings and I try to ignore it the first four times. When the sound hits my ear again, I sigh and go downstairs. Whoever it was must have a legible reason as to why they had to end up at my doorstep.

And if it is Jehovah's witnesses I swear...

I turn the knob revealing a very angry Trevor. My first instinct was to shut the door on his face.

"Don't. Even. Think about it." He mutters through clenched teeth.

"I thought you'd be on your flight to wherever you've been transferred." I state as a matter of fact.

"Why are you ignoring me?" His voice was cold.

"What,me?" I laugh nervously.

He doesn't seem to appreciate my act so I stop.

I sigh letting him in.

He stands a few steps from the door.

"Tea? Coffee?" I ask looking at him. His muscles tenses. Those were pent up emotions and I knew better. "None. Okay."

"Why?" He repeats.

"I get attached easily." I admitted.

His expression softens at that.

"Aaand i have to work." I added.

His face hardens.

"So I'm hindering your work?"

I raise a finger at him."As a matter of fact yes."

He laughs lightly. His eyes searches for my face.

I was tired. My body threatened to collapse at any given time not withstanding my weight. I wiped my forehead with the sleeve of my oversized coat.

"Are you okay?' He questions voice filled with worry.

I had taken my medication but those bills didn't work anymore.

I say yes but find my head shaking no.

"What's wrong?" He moves closer to me. I step back and he growls. I jump at that.

"I'm sorry." I quickly apologize.

"Did I scare you?" His voice is now soft." I'm sorry."

"No. It's not you." I couldn't explain further from that.

A part of my brain thought that he was going to hurt me.

"You're telling me what's wrong." He stated firmly and my chest tightens.

I rub it with my arms.

"Does it hurt?" He takes my hand.

I flinch and he quickly drops it.

"I wouldn't hurt you." He assures softly.

"You already did." I answer as if on reflex.

He seemed shocked.

He looks at my hand and takes it in his folding the silk sleeves.

Red. That was the color overlapping my skin that was now pale.

The marks.

The cuts.

Some healed.

Most fresh.

His eyes meets mine with the most painful expression.

"Why red?" He asks. I bow my head feeling guilty.