PRISON MOVIE

Disorder in the courtroom

     Lincoln, now charged with assault after Ivan Barry Stoned broke his hand on Lincoln's face, talks with his lawyer and awaits his fate in the courtroom.  His brother Michael sat watching, feeling anxious and helpless.

     The Judge in this case was the honorable Judge Bigg.

     "Everyone in the court system is terrified of Judge Bigg," whispered Lincoln's lawyer.  He's a really intimidating figure.  Peeking over at the prosecution, Lincoln added, "Ivan's lawyer looks pretty tough, herself."  She was wearing high heels, a miniskirt, and carried a leather whip.

     Now, Judge Bigg was about to officially enter the courtroom.

     "All rise for the Honorable Judge Bigg!"

     The shadow of Judge Bigg looked about ten feet tall as he entered the courtroom, and Lincoln was shaking in fear.  However, as the judge walked in, he was actually only about three feet tall.  Lincoln's lawyer reassured a victory for the defense, "Don't worry Lincoln, there's no way we can lose this case."  Ivan's lawyer overheard and snapped "Save it for the judge!"

     The two lawyers exploded in a name calling frenzy.

     "Jezebel!"

     "Moron!"

     "Bimbo!"

     "Nimrod!"

     Judge Bigg furiously interrupted, "Order!"  For a moment, the entire courtroom was in disorder and chaos.

     "Order!"

     "Order!"

     Judge Bigg's gavel broke, and the three foot tall judge then took a sledge hammer and smashed down on his desk, demanding, "ORDER!"

     "How about steak and potatoes?" said Lincoln.  "Very funny, smart ass," replied the judge.  "Would you like fries with that?"

     Getting down to serious business, Lincoln's lawyer again reassured him, "Lincoln, I just want you to know that even though I'm a public defender, and even though the system is broken, I believe in you.  I will defend you and never give up defending you.

     Everyone in the courtroom was silent when Judge Bigg demanded Lincoln's plea.  Lincoln Scofool, how do you plea?

     "Guilty!" shouted Lincoln's lawyer.

     "What?!" Lincoln was confused.  "I do NOT."

     "Yes, we do, your honor.  We plead guilty!" blurted Lincoln's lawyer.

     "No, I don't, your honor."

     Feeling confused and betrayed, Lincoln demanded an answer from his lawyer, "What the hell are you doing?"  His lawyer answered, "The judge and prosecution are collaborating, we don't stand a chance."  Lincoln saw Judge Bigg and Ivan's high heeled lawyer kissing.

     "You said you would defend me," whimpered Lincoln.

     "I can't stand up to Judge Bigg, he just scares me too much.  Then, Judge Bigg gave Lincoln's lawyer a cold stare and barked at him.

     "BARK!"

     Terrified, Lincoln's lawyer leaped from the desk, jumped out of the window, and fled from the court building.

     Judge Bigg called a break to allow Lincoln to get his defense reorganized.

     Outside, the Scofool brothers discussed the absurdity of Lincoln being charged with assault for being punched in the face.  However, Michael had some shocking news for his brother and handed him an envelope.  Lincoln could see the seriousness on Michael's face.

     "What is it, Michael?"

     "Linc, I have horrible news."  Michael seemed hesitant.

     "What, Michael?!"

     "It's... the company."

     "What company, Michael?"

     Michael looked down, rubbed his face, and answered, "It's the hydro company, Linc, you haven't paid the hydro bill in months."  Michael wept, "Now, our electricity is going to be cut off!"

     When the case resumed, Lincoln explained that he would be representing himself.  "Are you sure," asked Judge Bigg.  "Yes," answered Lincoln.

     "You know, Lincoln, there is an old saying.  He who represents himself has a fool for a client. "

     Lincoln's frustration was obvious, "Your Honor, with all do respect, this trial is ridiculous!"

     "Not so fast!" shouted Ivan's lawyer, wearing high heels and cracking her whip on the floor.  "According to medical records, Lincoln, you've had a steel plate in your head since a motorcycle accident!"

     "You deliberately broke my client's hand with your hard headed face!"

     She asked Judge Bigg "Your Honor, I believe my client has something to say."

     Judge Bigg asked Ivan, "Could you please state your full name.

     "Ivan Barry Stoned."

     "Pardon me?"

     "Ivan Barry Stoned."

     Judge Bigg asked Ivan's lawyer, "Did he say, I've been very stoned?"

     "No, your honor.  His name is Ivan.  Ivan Barry Stoned."

     "I see."

     "Ivan, do you have anything to say?"

     Six foot four and covered in tattoos, Ivan broke out in tears, "Look what Lincoln did to my hand!"

     During another recess, Michael assured Lincoln that he would win a rare slam dunk for the defense.  "Don't worry Linc, there's no way you can lose.

     The trial concluded, and Judge Bigg demanded the jury's decision.  "Jury, have you reached a verdict?"

     "GUILTY!"

     Lincoln begged Judge Bigg, " This is ridiculous, I can't go to jail!"

     Judge Bigg answered "You're not going to jail, you're going to PRISON!"