PRISON MOVIE

The magic bus

     Lincoln and Michael talked outside the courtroom before sentencing.  Saddened by his older brother's criminal conviction, Michael gave Lincoln a bottle of anti-anxiety pills to calm him down.  "It's not much Linc, but maybe this will help."  Lincoln swallowed all of the pills and handed the bottle back to Michael. 

     Back in the courtroom for sentencing, the Scofool brothers were devastated by the sentence ordered by Judge Bigg. 

     "10 years without the possibility of parole!"

     Holding his chin and slowly moving his eyes back and forth, Michael whispered to himself, "Something is off about this, and my brother needs my help."

     Riding on the prison bus in his orange uniform, the grim reality of hard time was wearing his nerves.  Hard headed but out of his element, Lincoln bravely looked into the eyes of the other prisoners.  Some inmates were covered with gang tattoos, facial tattoos, homemade tattoos, and different tattoos of every conceivable kind.  Some were scarred with knife attack marks and other marks from self mutilation. 

     There was one particular prisoner on the bus who happened to be sitting next to Lincoln.  His nickname was "Dirt Bag."

     Dirt Bag spoke with an unusual and contrasting accent, a deep southern drawl combined with a distinct feminine lisp.  He turned and said to Lincoln, "You look... um... shall we say... like you ain't never been on a prison bus before."  Hoping to recruit Lincoln as an ally, Dirt Bag offered his friendship, "You might need an ally for protection, this ain't no prison movie, this is the real thing."  Street smart and hard headed, Lincoln rejected the offer, "I can take care of myself!"  Disappointed and offended, Dirt Bag snapped out, "You need to learn some manners cause you ain't gonna survive on your own in the big house."

     Now, "Dirt Bag" was by far the most vile, wicked criminal ever.

     One of his fellow gang members overheard, and turned around at Lincoln, "Show some respect, Dirt Bag once ate a paper bag filled with fishing worms, devouring every worm and even the bag.  He was on one of those reality shows, back in the day."  The gang member elaborated, "Dirt Bag has eaten everything ranging from a bowl of maggots, a turd hot dog, and even a milkshake of his own vomit - and not always in that order!"

     Lincoln noticed the bus slowing down.  Then, the bus pulled over and stopped. 

     "I heard a commotion!"

     The prison bus driver demanded an answer, "I heard a commotion, who was it!"

     Lincoln replied, "Sir, could you please DESCRIBE this commotion?"

     "I HEARD A COMMOTION!"

     Then, all of the prisoners stomped their feet and coughed at the same time. 

     "Stomp, stomp!"

     "Cough, cough!"

     Lincoln asked, "Sir, was that the commotion you heard?"

     "NO, IT WASN'T!"

     Dirt Bag metaphorically stepped in to offer a satisfying answer, "Don't worry boss, there ain't no problems here, just a bunch of good old cons on their way to the big house."

     When the prison bus driver turned his back, Dirt Bag whispered, "PIG!"

     Immediately, the driver ordered Dirt Bag off the bus.

     "Okay, that's enough of you, off the bus!"

     "But... boss, I'll be late for prison!"

     "OFF THE BUS!"

     Now getting kicked off the prison bus, Dirt Bag warned Lincoln, "You better watch your back!"

     Just after Dirt Bag exited the bus, the prison bus driver gave a brutal warning to the remaining passengers, while Lincoln mockingly moved his lips, imitating him. 

     "The next time I have to come back here I'm BREAKING HEADS!"

     The keys fell off his belt and one inmate reached for them with his foot as the bus driver yelled, "I will NOT be made a fool of!"

     Meanwhile...

     Having just returned to the apartment, Michael reached for his keys.  The pill bottle accidentally fell out of his pocket.  After picking up the bottle, he realized it had been taped and marked with a pen, "MAGIC MUSHROOMS."

     "Oh, no!"

     On the bus, Lincoln was unknowingly starting to feel the effects of the magic mushrooms.  He began to sing hippy songs from the 1960s.  Soon, he was in a full blown mushroom trip while the other prisoners began to look at him like he was from Mars!

     Once again, the bus slowed and stopped, this time at a public bus stop!

     Lincoln looked out the window and saw an elderly woman boarding the prison bus.  The woman was Lincoln and Michael's aunt Betty!

     Like having a bucket of cold water splashed in his face, Lincoln was now cold sober and shocked to see his aunt Betty using the prison bus.

     "Aunt Betty?!" 

     Betty was old, frail, and senile.  She slowly boarded the bus in her walker.  Then, she reached into her purse and handed the driver her bus pass.

     The driver looked at her bus pass and then looked at elderly, confused Betty. 

     With a very confused expression, the bus driver stared at elderly Betty.

     "What's wrong?" asked Betty. 

     The prisoners looked at each other funny, while old, senile Betty asked again, "Driver, what's wrong?"

     The driver reluctantly replied, "Ma'am, isn't it obvious?"

     "What's wrong??"

     "Ma'am, your bus pass has expired, you really should get it renewed."

     Elderly Betty approached a section of the prison bus labeled "courtesy seating."  Having uncuffed himself with the stolen keys, one prisoner politely offered assistance, "Let me help you, Ma'am."

     Betty, though senile, noticed Lincoln. 

     "Lincoln, is that you?"

     Lincoln nervously answered, "Yes, aunt Betty."

     "I haven't seen you in ages, Lincoln, are you and Michael behaving yourselves?"

     In a contrast of shock and embarrassment, Lincoln answered, "Yea, well, me and Michael are doing... um... great!"

     The prison bus stopped at a shopping mall and Betty waved goodbye to Lincoln. 

     A while later...

     The bus finally arrived to the prison. 

     As reality sank deeper, Lincoln quietly said to himself, "Well, here I am now, at prison!"