Heal me ( Namkook)

Chapter 20: For us

I got distracted by the live and forgot to publish this..I m totally fine and not sad at all🥹🥲🥲
Anyways....

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Namjoon abruptly woke in the dimness of his bedroom, he looked around and noticed that it was still dark outside . The recent episode of panic attack in front of Jungkook lingered in his memory as he sighed, sitting up with a sense of disappointment. Facing the unavoidable reality, he realised that he couldn't possibly proceed with Jungkook as he wished. The truth that he might be destined for loneliness crept in making his eyes teary. He didn't want to selfishly involve Jungkook in his mess of a life.

Jungkook, being still young, deserved a normal life and a boyfriend without the added baggage, he brought with him. He didn't want to burden the younger with more trouble as he already have a hard life. Namjoon slowly got up from his bed and walked out , the apartment was silent so he suspected that Jungkook had left. He made a mental note to meet Jungkook the next day to bring an end to their agreement and friendship .

Leaving the room, Namjoon was surprised to find Jungkook still on the couch, his head tilted back."Jungkook!"he called softly to not startle him

Jungkook  opened his eyes and looked at the elder " You are awake!!"Namjoon nodded and approached  him slowly. After wiping his face, Jungkook patted the seat next to him, "Sit down, please." He asked

Namjoon agreed, and took a seat beside Jungkook. Feeling the need to explain everything but unsure how to, he remained silent, contemplating his options. Jungkook sensed Namjoon's inner thoughts and placed a gentle hand on Namjoon's knee, softly rubbing it as a way of comforting him. He knew the elder might find it difficult to talk openly but he couldn't possibly stay silent anymore. Even if it means Namjoon would hate him for overstepping .

He took a deep breath before speaking "I don't want to pressure you into talking and i realise I don't have any right to ask or demand anything..." Jungkook paused, carefully choosing the words he spoke next. With his eyes focused on the floor, he said, "I ..I know you went through something awful in life to be this afraid of intimacy...I understand that much..." he managed to say

Namjoon swallowed and looked at Jungkook , with glassy eyes "Jungkook, I'm sorry. I..." he began to explain

Jungkook shook his head, interrupting quickly, sensing Namjoon might be blaming himself. "No need to apologize, Hyung! I don't know what happened, and I don't want to assume, even though I have an idea, which I prayed not to be true." He huffed and looked at Namjoon, who was teary-eyed. "I might be overstepping here but..i..know you lied when you said you haven't been intimate with anyone."

As Jungkook spoke, Namjoon's eyes overflowed, Wishing for a different life where his mother hadn't died, causing him to be in  this situation. He regretted the mess he was entangled in..eventhough he loved his family to death he had always wondered how different his life would have been if he never met them .

Feeling Namjoon's emotions, Jungkook tightly gripped his legs and continued talking

"But it's okay. ..It's your life, and if you didn't want me to know, it's fine. But I want to tell you one thing.." Jungkook took a deep breath, and looked at Namjoon"Whoever hurt you...I'm not that person. I will never do anything to hurt you. I'll always treat you with nothing but respect. I understand how difficult it is to open up, so please don't force anything with me if it makes you uncomfortable.

But I really do hope you're getting necessary help to recover...if you are not..please please do so!! Take time and be ready before we try anything else. I genuinely don't want to be a source of pain and tears for you. I love whatever we have, with or without the sex part. I love talking to you..spending time with you. You're an amazing person. So take a breather. You can call me when you need me. I'll always be there. Anytime, I'll pick up the call and come running if you need me. That is if you still want me in your life."

Namjoon looked at Jungkook, tears welling up in his eyes. "I don't want to leave you!" His voice cracked as he spoke.

"Who said anything about leaving?" Jungkook smiled reassuringly. "I just said I'll be here always, didn't I?" He ran his hands through Namjoon's hair, observing the sensitivity and vulnerability in Namjoon's eyes. He could see that Namjoon was silently pleading for help, wanting to confront the demons haunting his thoughts. Jungkook couldn't fathom how someone could hurt a man like Namjoon, who knew nothing but to care and love others.Jungkook knew for sure that if Namjoon ever decides to reveal his truth or the identity of the person who hurt him , he will be the first one to throw hands.

Namjoon felt the urge to pour out everything to Jungkook, to unburden himself from the weight he had been carrying. He couldn't believe that Jungkook chose to stay even after witnessing his dark side multiple times..he was the opposite of everything the man had made him believe in life.
Yet, worry gripped him. He still didn't trust anyone with his secret, Jungkook had no idea of his entire reality and he was convinced that no one would believe him or accept him for who he truly was.

After a while ,Jungkook rose from his seat, "You should go back to sleep, Hyung. I'll stay here in case you need me. But, I have to leave early for an audition on the other side of the city.. i just got a message about it. Don't worry if you don't see me in the morning, okay?"

Namjoon shook his head, "Wait! No, you need to go back and sleep well, and maybe prepare for the audition. I'll be fine."

"No, Hyung, I can't leave you alone. You—"

"Jungkook, I'm fine. Please!!. I'll go back to sleep and i will call you, okay? Trust me. Also, I need to be alone to figure things out..."

Jungkook nodded, hesitantly, he didn't want to leave him alone there but since Namjoon asked for space he couldn't argue more "Okay! Rest well. Do I need to call Jin-hyung or anyone, or your assistant, to keep you company?"

"No, no, I'm good. I'll manage."Namjoon  said

Jungkook smiled, "Okay! So, anytime.., just call me. Don't hesitate, okay? Hyung, take care," he kissed Namjoon's forehead and slowly walked out the door.

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Namjoon stood outside the wooden door unsure about going in. Memories of past pain held him back. His hand shivered before the doorknob, feeling the weight of his anxiety.But he knew he wanted to do this for real this time..

Taking a deep breath, he tried to ward off the fear that was consuming him. Thoughts of being judged made him hesitate, but a small determination pushed him forward..he knew he was loved..by his parents..his brothers ..by Jin and Taehyung and now Jungkook..and he needed to heal for them before he ends up destroying himself.

With a shaky hand, he turned the doorknob, stepping into the therapist's office to face his past.

"Namjoon! What an unexpected visit!" Dr. Chen smiled at Namjoon, recalling how he had walked out of his office years before ,refusing to talk and never returned. "I never expected you to come back!" He said removing his glasses

"I m a few years late but i think it's time for a change, doctor!!" Namjoon said as he sat down.

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You all will tell me if i m messing up my story won't you!!🫣