Chapter 30

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sorry so sorry


Aurora's POV

"It's wrong, Aurora, and you know it."

After dragging me out of Mikhail's house and sneaking me back into ours, my sister looked like she was on the brink of insanity- all from catching me coming down the same stairs as Mikhail. 

"It's not that serious. We were just.." I struggled to come up with an excuse, because quite frankly- there wasn't one. "Why do you even care? It's not like we're getting married-"

"You know it's not about that. It's the contrasting psyches you both have. He's.. he's not right for you." She shakes her head.

"What, because he kills people?" I scoff. "As if your husband doesn't slit throats on the daily. When have I ever said anything about that?"

"No, you need to-" She pushes a hand through her hair, "You need to understand. You won't be able to.. handle him." 

My eyes grow wide. "Handle him? Trust me, I've been capable of that since day one. Just because he's finicky and impatient doesn't mean that whatever the hell we have going on is wrong. It just means I- we need more time."

"Okay then." She cuts me off with a calm finish. "Tell me. Will you marry him?"

"What-?" I cut myself off with a stuttering voice. "No? Where the hell did you get that from?"

"From this." She gestures to the empty space between us. "I've been spectating for months. You're telling me you'll be okay once he leaves you high and dry? That you'll be absolutely fine once he throws you away and decides to play around with someone else?"

Her words are like a rock to my chest. I hated the idea- of him with another girl, doing the same things we did. I fucking despised it. And I think my silence was enough to tell her that.

"He- He doesn't like to settle. He's not gonna get married." My voice trickled out, inked with self-doubt. He wouldn't. It's just.. not how he works.

"Okay, so what? Are you guys just gonna dance around each other for eternity? Spend opposite days in sketchy clubs for hours on end? Because, to be honest, I don't see the objective here."

"Neither do I!" I rub a tired hand down my face. "I don't think it's normal- whatever we have. It's definitely not friends with fucked up benefits, and it's not.. it's not love." My voice staggers at the end. 

It's not love, so what is it?

She taps her foot on my rug. "Listen. It's unhealthy. Sex will only keep you going for so long, until one day, you'll start to wonder what the purpose of it is. Why he's refusing to pull you in any farther- why he's shutting you out."

"Wh- Shutting me out? How the hell do you know whether he's doing that?"

"He shuts everyone out, even his own brother. And trust me, you're wrong if you think his past isn't marked like Nikolas's."

I ponder on the idea. "Every man has a few skeletons in his closet. He does too-"

"Not in the Bratva, Aurora. That's not how it works with them." She shakes her head. "Trust me, I know." She shifts her gaze to my terrace window, suddenly looking a lot more serious. "Nikolas hasn't told me everything. Five years, and I still only know the things he wants me to know."

A few seconds later, she flicks her eyes back to me, as if trying to get rid of the notion. The tough looks resumes its placement on her face.

"Don't tell me you guys are fine, because I know for a fact he's made you want to rip your hair out. What, one day you fume at the simple sight of him, and three years away make you suddenly want to sleep in his bed every night?"

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