House of Boys

Chapter 16

Jordan

I am dreading what Dad will say when he finally talks to me but he has spent the entire morning going through all the paperwork and emails Darlene has sent him. He doesn't even seem angry or upset, just focused.

Jason still hasn't spoken to me, last night he slept in Jared's room and this morning he snuck out early to the batting cages, according to his text in the family group chat.

Jared and I play racing games and eat popcorn on the couch, since Dad is too distracted to tell us no, and I think about seeing Moses. Last night Dad and Mr. Gonzales agreed that today should be family day which means no sneaking off for a quick snog.

Jared taps me on the shoulder and points at the window, Jason is getting dropped off by his friend's Dad. He doesn't move to the door, he just stands on the sidewalk with his gear. I hand my controller to Jared and head out the door.

Jason shakes his head when he sees me and turns his back.

"Will you please talk to me?" I turn Jason to face me and he scowls.

"Why? You want to leave us so you need to get used to not talking to me anyway." Jason turns back around again ignoring me.

I take a deep breath and try not to shout at Jason, "It's only five months!" I let out a growl and turn back to go to the front door.

"Only five months?" Jason drops his gear and pulls me back, "first you want to spend a year traveling with your friend from college, now you want to live in Germany for five months."

Tears stream down Jason's face and he wipes them away quickly.

"How are we twins if you are always years ahead of me?" Jason holds his chest and struggles for air, "I can't breathe," he shouts.

I grab his shoulders and stand him upright before he can collapse.

"It's okay, just take long slow breaths." I breathe in and out slowly and bring Jason's hand to my chest so he can follow my breathing.

Once he gets control he hugs me tightly, "if you're gone who is going to talk me through my panic attacks."

I hold Jason tightly and rock him back and forth, the way mom used to after a panic attack.

I don't know what to do.

We finally grab his gear and head inside greeted by Dad and Jared.

"Everything good?" Dad asks us both as he looks between us.

We both nod our heads and I pat Jason on the back.

"Good," he continues, "Cause I'm leaning towards saying yes."

I can't contain myself and I start jumping, "You mean it?" I shout as I leap up and down.

"Wait for the but."

I stop jumping and look at my Dad still hopeful but preparing for disappointment.

"I don't like the idea of you staying with some family I don't know."

My Dad's words knock all the previous joy from my spirit, "Well where am I supposed to stay?"

"We need to find you a temporary guardian, like the deal we had with Greg."

I feel myself getting upset, "Greg is getting married soon and I doubt Holly will be okay with him leaving right after their wedding Dad!"

"Calm down dude," Jason says as he puts his hand on my chest.

"It doesn't have to be Greg, just someone I trust who can pick up and move for five months."

My Dad's words sear through me, I'm not dumb, no-one can do that. I shake my head and march up the stairs.

"Jordan, I think I'm being very reasonable here," my Dad shouts, stopping me in my tracks.

"Reasonable? Really?" I try to pull back but the words leave me like venom, "Was it reasonable to quit college to be a handyman?"

Jason and Jared both say something but I can't hear them.

"Was it reasonable to depend on your teenager to keep a roof over your head when his Mom just died?"
I try to hold myself back again as Jason grabs me, but I can't hold back the final blow.
"Just because you've been a failure your whole life doesn't mean you get to take away my dreams!"
I turn and run up the steps to my room and slam the door before Jason can follow me in.

It's my turn now for an anxiety attack.