Not That Interested

Chapter 49: The One With The Saree

"Better an oops, than a what if."-- Beau Taplin

"Saleeenna. Shehzer's old wife." Rania's words shattered for me, the world as I knew it. I stared bug-eyed at her, not wanting to believe her words. How can Shehzer not tell me about it?

"Oh sweetie, don't worry your brains over it. Rania meant to say that, Saleena is his ex-fiance. They never got to the marriage part." Marium Auntie hastens to correct her.

Why don't I feel any better?

I'm so used to getting unadulterated affection from Shehzer, that the idea of anyone else with him makes me want to throw up. Or kill someone.
I hate her. Faceless stranger. I hate the very fact that she once had what I have now, that she almost had Shehzer. I don't even care how hypocritical and irrational I'm being.

"So, how long ago was this?" I inquire quietly. It's embarassing that I have no clue about my own husband's past, and his mother's surprised face is testament that I'm right to feel this way.
"Uhh, I suppose it lasted about a couple of years. The engagement, I mean. It ended almost a year ago." Her expression turns pensive at the thought,"It's horribly ill-mannered of me, but that girl wasn't exactly good wife material. Shehzer would have been miserable with her."

If she was so freaking horrid, why didn't he ever tell me about it?

I feel dejected at the prospect of him with another woman. Even in the past, this relationship bothers me. The fact that he neglected to mention this teeny tiny piece of detail before or after our marriage, also tore at me. Does he still talk to her? Is she beautiful? All sorts of questions were popping up now.

"Why did they...break up?" I ask Auntie as she pours coffee into three mugs.
She glances at me before pursing her lips, "I think you should ask Shazz about it. He'll tell you everything."
Yeah, he'll tell me everything, just as he has done until now.
I don't argue any further though, and simply take the breakfast upstairs for him. I didn't say a word about this dilemma to him. In fact, I didn't say a word.
...........

It's been a week since the "Saleena Reveal".
I had stalked her enough on Facebook and Twitter, to know quite a bit about her. I had felt depressed for days after I first saw what she looked like.

She was the polar opposite of me. Hour-glass body, long (obedient) silky black hair, paired with smooth, caramel skin tone. Her eyes were light gold fringed with thick lashes. Exotic is the word that came to mind when I saw her.
I looked at my own pale and pink complexion, brown curls and too-tall frame in the mirror.

How can he propose to me after being with her perfection?

She was a smart-ass doctor too. Same medical school as Shehzer. I felt inadequate in comparison.

We had moved into Shehzer's studio apartment, while we searched for better living alternatives. I have been uncharacteristically silent about the huge thorn in my side. Shehzer tried to get me to open up, but I didn't budge.

I want him to tell me about it, without any prompting from my side. He knows about my past relationship, so it's only fair that he tells me about his.
Even with all the hints I dropped, he never elaborated on his own history. This makes our already confused marriage, even more dysfunctional. I am hating the distances growing between us. I hate the fact that my husband still hasn't kissed me. I hate the fact that he seems impervious to all my plans to seduce him.

And I have been trying very hard.

It almost kills me to admit that I stooped to googling: How to seduce your husband?
It was mostly baloney about making special dinners, and drawing scented candle baths. (I will sooner kiss a chicken than draw a candle bath)