Not That Interested

Chapter 54: The One With Cinnamon

"What is done in love,
is done well."
--Vincent Van Gogh

Mina's POV:

"We're going to be parents, Shehzer!" I tell him.
The smile on his handsome face widens, "Seriously?" He asks in a wondrous tone, his hand drifting downward from my neck to my belly. I hold his hand captive to it. Just the three of us, sharing a moment.

"Seriously." I giggle back, "Can you imagine me, as a Mommy?...It's so ridiculous, I'm actually scared for my Bean."

"Why on earth are you scared, love? You'll be the best mother ever." He leans down to kiss my forehead reverently, "And even if you're not, I'll be there with you. We'll figure something out. Together."

I kiss him furiously at his words. Perfect they are. Just like him. My lover. My best friend. My husband. My better half.

"How can you be so irresponsible though?" He breaks away from my embrace.
No! Not again!
"You told me you were on birth control! How damned childish could you get?" He is angry now, turning into a monster. "How on earth can you raise a child with this attitude? Why don't we just abort the baby now? Save you the trouble of messing it up afterwards!"

I sob with the pain, clutching at my baby protectively. "No, Shehzer. This isn't you...DON'T TOUCH MY BABY!" I scream as I feel his hands on me.

"Minnnaa!! I is scared Minna. Pweaze wake up!" The hands are insistent now. I gasp awake at a prod. I am in our guest bedroom, where I went to sleep with Rania. The poor kid is worried out of her mind, because of my sleep-talking. I woke up sobbing, curled up in a foetal position around my bean. Ironically, I realized my dream had been slightly better off than my reality.

Atleast he showed some compassion at first...

"Minna. Do you have a baby in there?" Rania points towards still-wrapped arms my stomach. I smile weakly at her wide eyed wonder. No use hiding the info now, I suppose. I nodded to her.

"Does it talk yet?" She inquires.

"I think so." I nod slowly, wiping away at errant tears "But only in my head." She lights up at that, leaning down to my belly.

"Hellooo! Can you hear me?" She whispers to it, making me laugh tearfully. My kitten knows just how to make me feel better.

The night was awful. For the first time in all these months, I slept away from our bed. Not a moment passed when I didn't miss his warmth next to mine. I'm so used to him; his scent, his strong arms holding me, his breath on my skin...
...I feel incomplete.
Hollow inside. Like something just died in me, because he didn't accept us. He had striked me where it hurt the most; right in my insecurities. No matter how strong I pretend to be, for my Bean's sake, I needed Shehzer to be the strong one here, as he usually is. I needed him to tell me that we will make it through this, that we will win this.

Because I am unimaginably scared. Not scared of being a mother, just scared for my child. My little bean needed a strong, mature, real mother. And it was pretty obvious, how unprepared I was in that regard. Shehzer may have been a jerk to say it, but it didn't make it any less true. I was still a kid inside this woman's body. I still cut off my bread corners. I still watched cartoons. I still left jam jars open. I still cried for my Ma and Dad in the shower, when Shehzer couldn't hear me.

How will I ever raise him alone?

A fresh batch of tears descend when I remember what I did to my husband last night. I slapped him. He made me hurt him! I never wanted to do that, because hurting him, is like hurting myself. His words drove me to become something I loathe.