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Yesterday, I called a friend named Tom who originally hails from Los Angeles. He currently lives in Seoul, and he's a bit of a lonesome loser. Tom is short, and he's ugly, and he wears black horn-rimmed glasses with lenses as thick as Coke bottles. To be brutally honest, he probably hasn't had pussy since pussy had him.
I said, "Hey, why don't you come over tonight and watch some Netflix with me?"
"Is there anything good on?"
"There's a documentary about rebellious children who get kidnapped and sent to Utah to mend their evil ways."
He sighed heavily. "That sounds horrible."
"No, these little bastards deserve it. They smoke pot and drink beer and disrespect their parents."
"But that doesn't give anyone the right to kidnap them from their homes."
"I disagree completely. These abductions might actually save their lives. They have to hang out in the desert until they get sober. I wish I had the money to send Chicken Ken on one of those trips, yet unfortunately I'm a broke dead dick."
"Well, I can't make it tonight."
"How come?"
"I have to stay home and clean my apartment. Maybe I can drop by next week."
And that's the thing about lonely losers. Many of them are happy to live solitary lives. So trying to bring them in from the cold might actually be an act of cruelty. This is the way I look at it. I made the offer, and if he ever gets the urge to jump out his window to his death, then he had better not blame me when he's scribbling his suicide note.
I walked to the grocery store and bought a bottle of soju. Then I returned to my humble abode and fried some beef in a large skillet. I used plenty of salt and grease while preparing the meal.
Rice-Boy Larry said, "Didn't we eat that last night?"
I shrugged my shoulders. "So what? It was good, right?"
"Yes."
"Well, there you go."
I put the meat on his plate, and he devoured it all in no time.
He looked at me and frowned. "You're drinking again?"
"Yes, Mother, I've decided to enjoy a bottle of soju. Is that OK with you?"
"Sure. Nothing wrong with that. After all, it's your liver. But you've been hitting the sauce a little hard this week."
I nodded in agreement. "It's the holidays. All this free time is turning me into a maniac."
"Fair enough."
After dinner, I cleaned the dishes and had a smoke. Then I sat on the sofa and watched a film called The Killer. It's directed by David Fincher and features and actor named Michael Fassbender. The film is quite good. If you have some time, then check it out.
At 10 p.m., I viewed porn as I relaxed in bed. Most of the videos featured Seka and Desiree Cousteau. Seka is a sexy platinum blonde from yesteryear, and Desiree has the best set of tits that you'll ever lay your eyes on. I really had a great time.
I went to sleep at midnight and dreamt about eating stew in a log cabin in Alaska. The house was loaded with people. We all sat on wooden benches.
I woke up at 9 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the headlines on my phone while taking a nasty shit. A Korean man from the city of Ulsan took a pistol and shot his son on the street. The victim died an hour later in the hospital. In response to this grim news, Dad turned the gun on himself and blew his own brains out.
