The Great Blue Yonder

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Two nights ago, I was completely exhausted

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Two nights ago, I was completely exhausted. In fact, I was too tired to even get drunk. But my work never ends no matter how knackered I am. So I was forced to do three loads of laundry as I prepared supper for me and my boy. The meal was pretty light. We each ate four fried eggs which were served with four pieces of toast.

Larry said, "I'm off to play basketball with my friends."

I nodded and smiled. "OK. Sounds good to me. What time will you be home?"

"Before ten."

"Do you have any homework?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "I'm supposed to study Korean, but you're the one who told me that I'm working too hard. You said that this year should be devoted to fun."

I nodded again. "That's true. It's important to have a good time."

So he left me there by my lonesome, and I moved over to the sofa to enjoy my daily dose of Netflix. I'm currently watching a documentary called The School. It's about bad girls and naughty boys who were sent to upstate New York by their wealthy parents to learn how to behave properly. Needless to say, they suffered a great deal of abuse at the hands of their caretakers. 

When 9 p.m. rolled around, I high-tailed it to bed for some much-needed rest. I had just fallen asleep when my phone began to ring. It was Larry.

I said, "What's the matter?"

He said, "I forgot the combination to our door."

"Are you home already?"

"Yes."

"The combination is 1771."

Then I put my head on the pillow and drifted off into a deep slumber. But I soon started having nightmares about work. I was planning a huge party for my classes, yet I didn't have enough money to cover my nut. So the parents were complaining, and my boss kept threatening to fire me. Then...the alarm rang. It was five a.m.

I drank a cup of coffee and had a smoke. After that, I stared up at the ceiling.

I said, "God, what am I still doing here?"

No answer.

So I walked to the bathroom to take a dump. As usual, I read the headlines on my smartphone while evacuating my bowels. A South Korean missionary was sent to Vladivostok, Russia, to preach the gospel to North Koreans who are working there for peanuts. Well, you guessed it. He was recently arrested by the authorities and is now being held on trumped-up charges of espionage.

Many of the retards and fuckheads who read this blog are huge fans of Vladimir Putin. But the guy is a major-league asshole with bloodstained hands. Plus he's a fucking thief who's made a gazillion dollars ripping off his own people. Don't get me wrong. I'm not one of those idiots who wants to see a war between the USA and the former Soviet Union. I'm simply calling a spade a spade.

I eventually made it to my office at 7:30 a.m. My computer kept giving me trouble, so I called my mom to unburden my troubled soul.

I said, "Hi, Mom. Can you fucking believe it? I can't get my fucking computer to work."

She said, "Have you tried turning it off and turning it back on again?"

And wouldn't you know it. Her solution resolved the issue.

It was about that time when I noticed that a bird was trapped in the corridor in front of my room. It kept banging into the glass of a nearby window in order to escape. So I opened a side door and chased the frightened beast toward the exit. Luckily, it managed to fly away into the great blue yonder without breaking its freaking neck. 

I felt like a million bucks.


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