Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
On Saturday, I cleaned my toilets with bleach. What I did was put the bleach in a squirt bottle, and I proceeded to douse both areas with generous amounts of the potent liquid. Then I let it sit for fifteen minutes before hosing everything down with the shower nozzle. Korean bathrooms have drains on the floor, so it's perfectly OK to shoot water all over the place without causing any damage.
Anyway, I forgot to wear a mask, and it wasn't long before my lungs and eyes were on fire. Snot leaked steadily from my nose, and I had to keep blowing mucus into rough cut-rate toilet paper. After that, I began coughing as if I were a madman with severe bronchitis. Bleach is powerful shit, but it does a great job of making things clean. Yet sparkling floors aren't worth death. I have to find a new way to get the job done.
Later that afternoon, I cooked bacon and French fries for my boy.
He said, "Are you OK?"
I smiled at him. "I'm fine. What could possibly be wrong?"
"You keep hacking your lungs out and spitting green shit into the trash. Do you have cancer or something?"
"I certainly hope not."
"Have you been using bleach again?"
I gave him a guilty nod. "I know I shouldn't, but it's the easiest option. The last thing I want to do is get down on my hands and knees to scrub. That's for the birds."
Rice-Boy Larry changed the subject. "I'm going to meet my cousin today, so I won't be back until late this evening."
"Your cousin? Is he in town?"
"Yes, his family is visiting friends."
The Dragon Lady has two sisters and a brother. One of the sisters is extremely wealthy. Her husband makes fake teeth for dentists throughout the peninsula. The Dragon Lady's family has no feelings for me or my children. If we were on fire, they wouldn't piss on us to put us out. So I couldn't help feeling a bit skeptical upon hearing my son's plans.
I said, "Don't be too disappointed if they give you the cold shoulder."
He shrugged. "I don't care one way or the other. But they are supposedly taking me for dinner."
"Free food. Nothing wrong with that."
After Larry left, I went to my room and watched porn. My favorite videos featured a hot Oriental gal named Lucy Thai. Lucy was blessed with huge tits and a delicious ass. And her skills at fornication are second to none. Her specialty seems to be facials. Every clip ended with Lucy covered from head to foot in the sperm of white men.
Then it was time for The Sopranos. I viewed several episodes on my computer. Tony's mother, Livia, reminds me of the Dragon Lady. Livia is an old cunt with a black cloud perpetually hanging over her head. And according to Dr. Melfi, she suffers from borderline personality disorder with narcissistic characteristics.
But I'm not a psychiatrist. So what the fuck do I know, right? I should probably stop trying to diagnose my wayward wife.
My son came home at 10 p.m.
I said, "Did you have a good time?"
"It was OK. They took me for barbeque pork."
"Was it delicious?"
He let out a heavy sigh and grinned from ear to ear. "I ain't gonna lie. It tasted pretty damn good."
"That's great. Glad it worked out for you."
I eventually went to bed at midnight and slept like the dead.
