back to black

chapter five

I woke up the next day in my bed with my body and head killing me. I asked Cami and Suki to leave so that they could go back to their house and after much insisting I managed to convince them.

I stayed in bed all day, I didn't grab my phone, I didn't eat and I didn't even close my eyes because I was too afraid that the images would reappear in my head.

The next day I decided to take a shower because my whole body felt dirty even though Suki and Cami helped me take a shower the night before. I was unconscious most of the time but I remember bits of it.

Anyway I stood up from the bed and looked at myself in the mirror, my body felt so heavy and gross. I dragged myself to the bathroom and turned on the shower. While the water ran over my body, I grabbed the soap and began to scrub all over. My nails scratched my skin making myself bleed but I just needed to get him off me.

I sobbed uncontrollably taking deep gasps trying to breathe but I just couldn't. I got to grab a towel but shortly after fell to the wet ground with blood in my arms and that's when I realised that my nails were dug very deep into my skin.

Kendalls POV

After Coachella I went back home. I cannot express the regret I felt. I missed everything about her, her smile, her touch, her smell, her laugh, her accent, the talks in bed, listening to music while we cooked, watching movies together. Everything.

I haven't spoken to Ben since that night. I was so drunk and made a stupid decision and all I wanted to explain to Y/n was that I did it out of fear. I know it's stupid, very, very stupid but I was afraid of how much I loved her. I never felt like this for no one and it scared me so much to think that I would die for her, I would leave everything for her and now I screwed it all up.

All these thoughts did not let me sleep and the call I received from my friend Camila Morrone did not help at all.

"Hey Cami," I answered the call. I was laying on my bed trying to take a nap.

"Kendall, don't panic but something happened and..." Cami sounded agitated over the phone so it started to scare me.

"Cam, what's wrong? Did something happen to Y/n?" I said seriously.

"Last night a man did something to her, Kendall. She's not okay"

I sat up on the bed and put my hand on my chest. "Wha- Is she at her house?" I asked.

"Yes, Suki and I were with her yesterday but she begged us to leave so I thought I should call you. I don't know, I'm just- I'm worried"

"I'm going there now" I hung up and got up from the bed. That familiar feeling of panic and anxiety entered my body but I decided to ignore it because I needed to be there for her.

I drove to Y/n's house and opened the door with the keys she had given me.

"Y/n?" I asked, closing the front door. Silence.
"Y/n!" I shouted. I searched all the rooms until I realised that the bathroom door was closed. I knocked twice and after having no response, I entered. I was prepared for everything except for what I found. Y/n was unconscious on the floor wrapped with a white towel covered in blood.

"Fuck" I felt a stabbing sensation in my chest for a few seconds but my instincts made me ignore it. I turned the shower off and took her out of the wet floor, wrapping her in one of the dry and cleaned towels. "Come here, baby" I started sobbing while hugging her on the floor.

I grabbed more towels and wrapped her bloody arms. The cuts weren't very deep but they were big enough to make her bleed heavily.

"You're okay, you're okay. I'm sorry" I cried, kissing her damp hair.