The Love We Left Behind

We're both broken now

Carson

My heart was thumping a steady beat in my chest as I drove home from the airport. I hated being back here. It was a horrific reminder of everything I had lost that night. That was why I avoided coming home for the past seven years. When my parents missed me too much, I flew them in to see me, spending some time together in my condo in Miami.

Every inch of this town reminded me of my sister, every house, every store, every park. It all looked so dull now, so lifeless without her in it. I knew coming back here was going to stir a lot of painful memories for me. But the reason why I avoided it like the plague was because I knew for a fact that I was going to see her.

I hated her. I hated thinking that she was still alive while my sister was 6 feet under. I hated thinking that she was the reason why Tori was dead. But most of all, I hated that I still thought about her after all these years. I could never get her out of my head, no matter how hard I tried. I could never move on with my life. I fought, and I fought, but it was pointless. She was ingrained in my mind and soul, and I despised her for it.
Lexi Black was the bane of my existence, and I wasn't going to rest until I ruined hers.

I brought the car to a stop on the side of the road, my breathing too labored, and my vision too blurry to continue driving. These episodes were nothing out of the ordinary. Ever since that night, panic attacks were my new normal. Most of the time, I could cope, but being back here, reliving it all, took its toll on me. I took some deep breaths, slowly counting to fifty. When my heartbeat slowed down and my eyes were no longer darkened by a cloud of anxiety, I went to start the car again when a familiar voice stopped me in my tracks.
Long brown locks, big, bright eyes, and a smile that lit up the world, Lexi was standing on the other side of the road talking to an old lady. She hadn't changed much, a bit taller than I left her, thinner too, but it was still my Lexi. I groaned, shoving that thought out of my head. She was never mine, and after what she took from me, she never will be. She gave the lady a hug before tightening her scarf and ducking into a bookstore, her steps hurried because of the cold air. A fist clenched around my heart, my chest feeling heavier than it had in years. I knew I was bound to run into her, but seeing her so soon, before I even went home, before I had the chance to mentally prepare, it brought all of my walls down. Before I knew what I was doing, my feet were already carrying me towards her, like a fool caught in a siren's song.

The bell on top of the door rang when I stepped inside, the warm bookstore chasing away the chill that crept up my bones. I took a few steps forward, my eyes trained on her face as she took off her coat and hung it on the back of her chair.

“Welcome to Books and Beyond, how can I-”
Her voice trailed off as she finally lifted her head to look at me, the smile on her lips dropping in a matter of seconds. Her eyes widened in surprise, her hands dropping to her side.
“Carson,” she whispered, her voice _ever so familiar_ making my heart stutter.

“Do you work here?” I asked, not bothering with greetings or meaningless small talk. My eyes wandered around the store, taking in the endless shelves of neatly stacked books.

She stared at me, a mix of confusion and anger in her deep brown eyes. Her eyebrows lifted ever so slightly, before dipping down in a frown.
“Yes.”

I nodded, a slow smirk making its way onto my lips. “Funny, I thought you would have made something of yourself by now.”

Her gasp was subtle enough I would have missed it if I weren't paying attention to every single little detail about her. Her eyes watered, and her jaw clenched before she took a deep breath and a step back away from me. My words hurt her, as I intended them too. Lexi was always the dreamer between the three of us, the one who wanted to make it big in the city, the one who desperately needed to leave this little town behind. Seeing her here after all these years, I thought it would bring me a sense of satisfaction. It never did.

“Is that all you have to say to me?” Lexi said, her voice trembling before she cleared her throat and glared at me. “Seven years of complete radio silence, and that's what you go with?” She was hurt, and despite how hard she tried to hide it, I could see right through her. I always did.

“Did you want me to hug you and ask how you've been?” I said, placing as much disdain as I could in that one question. I scoffed, looking her up and down. “I don't really care.”

“Then why are you here?” She crossed her arms against her chest, her voice turning icy.

“To gloat.” I waved my hands around the store, my eyes never leaving hers. “I was expecting a lot more from the brilliant, ambitious, driven Lexi. but I guess this is all you're good for.”

I turned around, ignoring the stab of pain that crossed her eyes, and headed back for the door. “I hope I don't see you around, I'd hate to have my time with my family spoiled because of you.”

The bell chimed again on my way out, and I fought the urge not to punch something. This was supposed to be satisfactory, so why did it hurt so fucking much?