The Love We Left Behind

The truth always comes out

Carson

I parked the car in front of the coffee shop, making my way inside the warm space. It was finally time to leave this town behind, and after stopping for a cup of coffee, I would be putting this whole thing behind me and returning to my life, far away from here.
I ordered my drink, standing to the side to wait for it. The shop was quaint, like everything else in this town. It had a couple of tables and a few wooden chairs spaced around, some people filling out the booths at the other side of the counter. The walls were a creamy beige, and the only pop of color this place had was a few plants hanging by the windows.
The barista called my name, and I went to grab my drink when a familiar voice stopped me in my tracks.

"Carson?"

I looked to my left, only to be met with deep green eyes and a bright smile.

"Mandy." I smiled, leaning down to hug her back. She was just as beautiful as I remembered; her blonde hair styled in soft waves, her light freckled peeking behind her makeup.

"Oh my god, I can't believe you're actually here! I haven't seen you in years." Mandy patted my arms, her eyes soft as she took in my face.

"I came to spend Thanksgiving with my parents, now I'm heading back."

"Same here, although I come every holiday and I have never seen you around."

"This is the first time I'm back." I nodded, taking a sip of my coffee.

"Do you have some time?" Mandy asked, gesturing to an empty table. "I'd love to catch up for a few minutes."

I glanced at my watch, smiling when I realized I had an hour before I had to be at the airport. "I'd love to."

We settled down at the table, drinks in hand as we caught up.

"How have you been?" Mandy asked, her voice quite. I was used to that tone by now; every time someone asked how I was handling things after what happened to my sister, they would lower their voice as if talking to a wounded animal.

"Good. Things are working out well in Miami."

"You're a software engineer, right?" She asked, and I nodded once. "That's wonderful. Maybe I should come and visit you one day. I've never been to Miami before."

"It's completely different from New York," I chuckled. "How is Broadway treating you?"

She sighed, leaning back in her chair. "Small parts here and there, but I'm not giving up yet."

"That's the spirit."

We both laughed, the comfortable moment chasing away the tension that had taken up residence in my body ever since I landed here.

"Have you seen Lexi?" Mandy asked. "I ran into her a few days ago, but she didn't want to talk. Are you two still as close as you were in high school?"

The mention of Lexi made bile churn up in my stomach. Suddenly, my coffee started tasting like ash on my tongue, and my shoulders went rigid. I cleanched my jaw, trying to reel my anger back in.

"No," I grunted. "We're not close anymore."

"That's a shame. You two were inseparable back then. It even made me insecure."

"You?" I looked up at her, a confused smile on my face. "nothing ever made you insecure."

"She did." Mandy laughed, pushing a strand of hair back from her face. "Everyone could tell you had feelings for her, except you two, obviously. It made me unbelievably jealous."

I shook my head, pushing the anger down. "Yeah well, none of that matters anymore."

"What happened between you two?"

"She's the reason I lost Tori." I spread my hand on the table, afraid I might punch something. "Nothing more to it, really."

"I'm so sorry about your sister, Carson, but that's a lot of blame to put on Lexi when she didn't do anything wrong."

I stared at her like she had grown another head. "You were there that night, Mandy. She showed up to the party alone, got drunk, and then roped Tori into her mess."

"What are you talking about, Carson?" Mandy looked confused before her eyes widened in surprise, her mouth hanging open in a silent gasp.
"She didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?" I asked through gritted teeth, my patience already wearing thin.

"That's not what happened that night. I can't believe she never told you."

"Tell me what, Mandy?" I repeated, my heart racing in my chest, cold sweat breaking on the back of my neck. Mandy looked sad, apologetic even, but what did she have to be apologetic for?

"Back then, like I mentioned, I was very jealous of Lexi. You clearly had feelings for her, even though we were together, and she felt the same way." She held up her hand when she saw I was about to interrupt her, shaking her head. "That night, when you came over to help me set up for the party, I took your phone and texted lexi. I asked her to come over, telling her you had something to confess before it was too late. She showed up an hour later, looking for you, but the girls and I found her first." She sighed, running a hand down her face. "I told her you thought she was pathetic, and that you found her little crush on you annoying, that's why you invited her over, so that she could see us together again and finally back off."

"What?" My whisper was broken to my own ears, my chest almost caving in under the pressure of this new revelation. She was at that party to see me? She thought I had invited her to tell her how I felt about her? But what about-

"Once she figured out we only invited her to humiliate her, she ran out of the party. I watched her as she bumped into someone, getting a full cup of beer dumped on her dress. We laughed back then, but now, looking back, I'm ashamed of myself."

I was stunned into silence, my ears ringing with the echo of Mandy's words. All of these years, I had blamed Lexi for what happened, thinking she had ditched my sister to come to a senior's party instead. But none of that was true.

"I'm so sorry, Carson. I should have told you immediately, but you left straight after the funeral, and no one could get a hold of you. I figured you'd talk to Lexi eventually and figure everything out."
She held my hand on the table, her thumb caressing my skin. "I have done a lot of things I'm not proud of back in high school, but that night remains my biggest regret."

"I have to go." I stood up abruptly, my chair tilting back with the strength of my movements. Mandy smiled sadly, nodding as I looked back at her.

"I understand," she said, walking with me to the door. Once we were outside, she hugged me again before heading to her car. "Do me a favor?" She asked. "Tell Lexi how sorry I am."

Running back to my car, I took the familiar road back home. I couldn't leave now, not after what I had just learnt. Guilt formed a fist around my heart, squeezing hard with every breath I took. Tears formed in my eyes, but I blinked them away. I had wasted so much time hating Lexi, blaming her for everything that went wrong in my life, I never once stopped to think about her. She had been suffering alone for years, and I turned my back on her. Slamming my fist into the steering wheel, I cursed myself for being so stubborn, so selfish, so stupid. As I stopped the car in front of her house, I made a promise to myself.
I would make this right, no matter how long it took.