The Love We Left Behind

Why are you still here?

Carson

I didn't want to be here. The last thing I wanted to do was see her twice on Thanksgiving, a time I was supposed to be spending with my family. My mother had insisted, however, sending me across the street to the house I never wanted to step foot in again.

According to her, Mrs Black was diagnosed with leukaemia almost a year ago, which forced Lexi back here to take care of her mother since she was the only one she had left. Lexi's father had died when we were young, and she was an only child. That was how she and Tori became so close. They were practically sisters. Going through Chemo meant that Mrs Black could no longer work, and although Mr Black had left a hefty sum for Lexi in a trust fund and her mom was well off, my mom said the hospital bills were taking a toll on Lexi, yet she refused their help time and time again.

The door creaked open, revealing a dishevelled girl with wet hair and an apron around her waist.

“Can I help you?” Lexi said, her eyes darting behind her for a few seconds before she focused back on me. Her gaze was as intoxicating as ever, her brown eyes pulling me into a whirlpool of emotions I no longer wanted to feel.

I gestured to the tray in my hands, a few plates stacked neatly on top of it.
“My mom sent me over to give you this.” I pushed the tray in her hands, and she staggered a bit before steadying herself.

“Tell her we said thank you.” She went to close the door, but I pushed my arm out, stopping her in her tracks.
“Is there anything else you wanted?” Her voice was icy, her glare making anger bubble in my chest. After everything she'd done, she had the audacity to be mad at me?

“I heard about your mom.” I dropped the smirk, my voice genuine for once. Mrs Black was a close friend of our family, and growing up, she was a second mom to me and Tori. Learning about her battle with cancer broke my already tattered heart.

“And what? You came to gloat some more?” Lexi's words made me reel back. The venom in her tone made me see red.

“I would never do that. Mrs Black is like family to me, I'm not that cruel.”

She scoffed, balancing the tray on her right hand. “You could have fooled me.”

My jaw clenched, my hands balled into fists by my side. “You have a lot of nerve talking to me like that,” I started, my voice a menacing whisper. “You ruined everything. You took away the only person I have ever loved, and you still act like a victim.” I pushed a hand through my hair, taking a step back from her. I needed to get my anger under control, or else I'd have another panic attack, and the last person I needed to witness my weak moments was Lexi Black. “I wish it was you who died that night.” The words were out of my mouth before I could register what I was saying, and for a split second, I wished I could take them back.

The pain that crossed her face, the tears that welled up in those beautiful brown eyes, the gasp she let out softly, they almost brought me to my knees. Lexi smiled, but I could see it was just pretence. She was trying to look unbothered by my words, but she failed miserably. That was the thing about Lexi; she wore her heart on her sleeve.

She took a step back, her eyes never leaving mine. Her fist was clutching the door handle so hard it lost its color, the tray in her other hand trembling slightly.
“That makes two of us,” she whispered before slamming the door shut in my face.

I stood there for what felt like an eternity, guilt, and anger warring inside my chest. I swallowed the lump that grew in my throat, willing myself not to cry.
Lexis's life, as it turned out, wasn't as perfect as I thought it was. After losing my sister and cutting contact with her for seven years, I assumed she had moved on. I thought she moved to a glamorous city like she always dreamed of, met a nice guy, and settled down away from us, forgetting all about my sister. Forgetting all about me. It made me unbelievably angry, that she got to have a chance at life, that she got to turn 18, 19, and 20, while my sister was rotting in the ground.
Instead, I found her back here, in this small town she despised so much, stuck in a dead end job with a sick mother and egregious hospital bills. I almost felt sorry for her, for the way I treated her. But feeling sorry for her wouldn't bring back my sister.

And if I let go of this anger, then what would I have left?