Primrose | REVIEW SHOP [ OPEN ]

★ { June } Taken by Lucifer

Reviewer: june_berrin

Client: vari_writzzz10

Thank you so much for giving me the chance to review your story.

❥ Title/Cover: The title holds a direct link to your plot, immediately revealing the genre and plot type to the reader. The cover is a typical dark romance cover, and I like the colour scheme used. The title and other writings are visible, and the font colour matches the overall theme of the cover. So great work there.

❥ Blurb: The blurb is well done, conveying just the right bit of information. However, there are a few grammatical and punctuation errors that I can spot. I will point out some of them in the grammar section. Other than that, the blurb is hooking and attracting the readers towards it. But the thing is, this type of blurb is common; a ruthless mafia description of the male lead is popular on Wattpad. So you need to give out a bit more from the plot so that your blurb stands out from the rest. Also, use more clever words to draw more attention and enhance the quality of your blurb, but make sure you don't use any that would contradict the meaning.

❥ Storyline: I like how you started the first chapter with dialogue. Your writing style is exceptional, and you use perfect word usage. Your great use of metaphor and imagery has levelled up your descriptions. It seems to be your strongest point so far. You can keep the reader reading. The plot is a common trope, and you still seem to have delivered it uniquely by adding your spice to it. You hold a proper pace, with each chapter contributing admirably to your plot. The flow of your story gets disturbed at times due to changes in tense, which I think you need to look out for.

I can also see that you have used the help of a paraphrasing tool—sorry if I am wrong—to help you in some areas. I realize this because I saw some of the lines repeated twice each time, phrased differently. I spotted this in the first chapter twice, so you might want to go over there and remove it.

❥ Writing Style: You're great at building suspense and ejecting emotions off-screen. Especially the first meeting between Lucifer and Adley. The words you used to describe that moment were mesmerizing; I truly felt like I was there. It felt very natural. I think this is what all writers aspire to do: to make the readers feel like they are truly there, but only a handful can pull it off almost flawlessly. And you seem to be one of them.

❥ Characters: I love how distinguished each of your characters feels. They have their personalities and character traits, which are also relatable and realistic. Kudos to that. You have introduced them slowly to the plot, letting the readers grasp it, and have depicted their appearances very well. I like how you have portrayed each of the characters in the story.

❥ Grammar and Vocabulary: This is the area where it requires your focus the most. As I have mentored before, tense issues were there. And there were also some mistakes in the punctuation area, both in the blur and the text. I will point out some of them here.

Original: If only she had known that her plans were already going to get ruined by him.
Edited: If only she had known that her plans were already going to be ruined by him.

Original: He was the ruler of a powerful family who is well-feared...
Edited: He was the ruler of a powerful family that is well-feared...

Original: The moment he saw her he decided to never let her go.
Edited: The moment he saw her, he decided to never let her go.

In the first line, you need to end the line with a period and not an ellipse. These are some of the errors found in the blurb. There are similar errors in your story, too. I recommend proofreading the chapters or seeking the help of an editor. You can also use online proofreaders like Grammarly or Quilbot.

❥ Conclusion: Your story is well crafted and very enjoyable. The characters feel natural, and it is easy to read your story as it is both descriptive and coherent. I like how you focus on some of the minor details too. It was a good read, and I hope that you find this review helpful.

And lastly, if any of my words hurt you or if I have misinterpreted anything, I sincerely apologize; that was never my intention. Remember that no author gets a beautiful, perfect draft the first time they write it; they edit it repeatedly the more they learn. So I hope you have had a great day.

Best Wishes🌻