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★ { Cadence } Warrior of Oirasora

REVIEWER: CadencePadgett0

CLIENT: AbiPWriting

Title: 5/5

I love how the title reflects Allegra's being as a warrior of Oirasora. It's different from what I have seen in the fantasy genre.

Blurb: 3/5

I like how the blurb is interesting, but the problem is that there should be a space between each paragraph. Otherwise, it looks like it's all in one big paragraph instead. You introduced the conflict and the plot very nicely. And the characters as well. Overall, it caught my attention and made me want to read the story.

Cover: ⅗

The cover is so beautiful! Love the choice of fonts and the picture of the boat. It reflects on when Elias and the girls took the boat to his home. The only thing I could say is the placement of where to put subtitles. For example, the one on the bottom should go below the title. And maybe don't include the one currently on the bottom of the title. It's just my personal preference in covers. Overall, the cover is very captivating!

Characters: 8/10

I liked the characters!

I enjoyed reading Allgera's backstory and her life before she was sent to the Navy Fleet. I feel so bad for her as a young child after her mothers death. Her father shouldn't have ever mistreated her! It just broke my heart. Though, I did wonder what he was like before his wife's death. What compelled him to be a bad person in Allgera's life?

While Allgera's backstory is heartbreaking and allows us to see where she was coming from, I suggest you sprinkle some of it throughout the course of the story. I felt like it was being info-dumped instead of showing. Maybe you could somehow incorporate her past and without info dumping.

And I was confused if she was either a female or male at the beginning. The only attribute is her short height. Maybe you could add a little more physical description to give the readers a better sense of what she looks like.

Her internal conflict is interesting as well. I can see that she doesn't really trust or like men because she believes that they're only interested in power or being greedy. I like her misbelief about men only cared about power and are greedy. Though, I couldn't really tell what was Allgera's desire, but I'm going to guess that she wants to save the world. And maybe fall in love??? I felt it wasn't clear in the first chapter, but that's just my guess. But her fear is probably she's afraid to trust or maybe be vulnerable. To be honest, I'm very confused about her desire and fear because maybe I was missing the point or something. Let me know in the comment section if you want to give some clarification. Overall, I think it gots some good internal conflict in Allgera's character.

I love her personality! She's basically a bad-ass boss and a perfect example of a strong-female protagonist. And used actions and gestures to show her personality. Thank god, she isn't some whiny character! Not my cup of tea, to be honest.

I love her relationship with her best friend Renor. I definitely enjoyed reading Renor's silly banter and her personality as well. Though I wished you showed us her physical attributes instead of telling in one paragraph. And on the side note, I never see Renor's boyfriend in action. It was only mentioned once. What happened to her boyfriend?

My favorite favorite is when Allgera first met Elias!

I had butterflies in my stomach when I first read the description of Elias. He's so cute! And very charismatic! I loved the playful banter between Allgera and Elias. I have a sense that they might be together at the end. But there was a part where I was confused. For example, he told Allgera that her grandparents are related to his family. Does that means they're possibly related? Maybe I misunderstood, but feel free to clarify the confusion.

Xenia is my worst nightmare! She reminds me of a typical high school queen bee/mean girl. I swear, she's up to no good. Like when she tried to get Elias not to be voted during the ceremony. Like what??? And to blame on Renor and Allgera for helping him. I wonder what made her be this way.

Overall, I enjoyed getting to know the characters and thought you did an excellent job!

Plot: 10/10

I enjoyed the plot! It's easy and very entertaining! It keeps me interested and wants me to read more. There are especially cliffhangers in almost every chapter. You have executed the plot very well in the story.

Writing Style: 8 /10

I love the simplicity and detailed. However, I did wished you could explained Allgera's home a little bit more detail. And remember I told you about how to not tell but show? For example, when you describe a character, you want to show their physical traits. Like instead of saying she has green eyes, try describing through Allgera's perspective.

Here's an example:

Her eyes were deep forest green, that flickered through the sunlight filtered.

Make sure whenever you are describing, use literary devices since as personification, similes, imagery, etc. it helps to enhance the story. But overall, I thought you did a good job on writing the simple details.

Grammar: 7/10

I would say the grammar is fairly good with some mistakes. Sometimes, I noticed that you forgot to put punctuation in some of the paragraphs. For example, when Skylar was giving a pep talk during the morning swim, I noticed you forgot to put a period or a comma after stated.

Original: "As you know," Skylar stated "Water is for those....."

Edited: "As you know," Skylar stated, "Water is for those...."

When you are continuing the dialogue, you need to use a comma to introduce the next part.

Another example, from chapter one is another comma mistake as well.

Original: When I was fifteen I tried and almost completed the sailing...

Edited: When I was fifteen, I tried and almost completed the sailing...

You always need to add a comma because I think it's an introductory clause. Therefore, it should have a comma after fifteen.

Last, but not least, I noticed the word Navy was not capitalized somewhere in the chapter, but make sure it is if that's what it's supposed to be in your worldbuilding.

In chapter two, when the protagonist was trying to clarify what her friend meant, there shouldn't really be a comma after the word meant.

Original: I clarified what Renor meant,

Edited: I clarified what Renor meant.

In chapter four, when Elias told the protagonist about the shower in the men's restroom, there's a spelling mistake.

Original: You do realize the showers are over their towards your right...."

Instead of their, it's there. It's a very common spelling mistake.

Overall, it's fine and easy to read. Needs to be polished a little more.

Overall:

Overall, it's very entertaining and I want to read more. If anyone is looking for an adventure story with fantastical elements and romance, I would recommend this book!