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★ { Cadence } The God's Game

Client: Rathilluser

Reviewer: CadencePadgett0

Title: 5/5

It fits the story well and it's very unique. I like it's short and simple and it sums up the overall story and the plot.

Blurb: 3/5

The blurb is fine.

Though the way it's being written is giving a movie /show blurb type of vibe. It's not my favorite type of blurbs to be honest. There's a few things I think could be improved.

For example, at the beginning, there's a quote I found interesting. But there's a few grammar mistakes.

Original: "I'm dying" Raven lamented. "only a kiss of true love can save me"

There should be a comma after dying and a period after me.

Edited: "I'm dying," Raven lamented. "only a kiss of true love can save me."

Also I recommend that you should use asterisks to separate the quotes from the actual blurb. So it's not confusing.

Moving to the next part.

I wished you could elaborate more on the plot instead of focusing on the characters. I believe what makes a good blurb is to start with the characters, introduce the conflict, and what is at its stakes. I felt the blurb didn't have enough depth for me to be able to pick it up and read it.

I recommend checking out other stories and studying what makes a good blurb and how you can incorporate it in your own writing.

Overall, the blurb did a nice work on introducing the characters, but needs more detail on what's going to happen in the story rather than giving vague details.

Cover: 4/5

The cover is simple and beautiful. I loved the fonts and it's easy to read. Although, I do recommend you remove the Canva watermark. It's ruining the overall design of the cover, in my opinion. I liked how you incorporated the crown as it looks like it's going to be a royalty type of story. Overall, I loved the simplicity and it's not busy.

Characters: 7.5/10

To be honest, I couldn't really connect with the characters.

For example, River has a nice personality and a heartbreaking backstory. But I felt like he's lacking some depth. Maybe, it's just me not really enjoying the story as much as I would have thought. I suggest you ask yourself the following questions:

What does he want?
What is his misbelief about the world or himself?
What is fear?

Those questions are very important because it's what makes a great character with depth. I felt like I didn't get to know River on a deeper level.

I like the other characters as well!

Overall, I think there could be some improvement in River's character.

Plot: 7/10

The plot is too slow.

I felt the beginning focused too much on the exposition.

From the very beginning, I can see that River spends his entire life locked up in his room because of being rejected by the Gods. He was born into the royal family and his parents hated him, except his brother.

I wasn't hooked by the very start. Whenever I read a book, I'm always rooting for the character and their journey. Every first chapter should have something to make us care about the character. For example, if River was rejected from the Gods and was locked up in his room for his entire life, then what does he want? That's what would make me feel for him beside his sad backstory.

I felt the first nine chapters took too long to get to the inciting incident.

Overall, the plot is slow and could be improved.

Writing Style: 9/10

I like the simplicity and it's short. It's very descriptive and easy to understand.

Grammar: 7/10

I'm noticing that you sometimes don't put a space between a comma and a word. Make sure you do that because it's very important. I suggest you check your grammar before publishing.

Overall:

I believe the story has some potential and it's a good book with nice worldbuilding!