Faded [OLD DRAFT 2014]

.II. [EDITED]

I staggered up to my house with my swaying vision faced towards the grey concrete ground, whimpering lowly at the acute pain that racked up my body with every step. It hurt. Everything hurt. I ground my mouth shut to stay silent as I opened the door, heading straight upstairs into my room, ignoring the calls of my concerned mother. It's been months since I last talked to her and it was hurting me as much as it was hurting her. I used to tell her everything.

Quickly locking the door, I dropped my book bag beside my bed before heading to my bathroom as I heard my bedroom door knob jiggle. "Please Elliot, talk to me," she begged from the other side, her voice pleading out to me. "What's wrong?"

I stayed silent, peeling my clothes off gently, wincing as I brushed over a few bruised spots. My eyes accidentally glanced up towards my full view mirror, showing my horror story. My heart clenched, the air feeling scarce in the room as I continued glancing at my broken and battered body: a split lip, purplish blue handprint marks that showed on my arms, head and hips, along with nail marks that finally stopped bleeding. Crusted blood ran down my body with dried semen.

I couldn't tell my mom about this. How would she feel? Would she still love me, or be disgusted every time her thoughts drifted towards her one and only child? I once believed she would've still loved me but now, I wasn't so sure.

Thick tears stung as they fell from my eyes, running their course down my cheeks as I turned on the shower. I carefully stepped in, letting the spray of scorching hot water go to work. It always helped relieve the aching muscles on the outside but my heart on the inside forever would ache.

I watched the shower water swirl with blood at the bottom near the drain along with another piece of my resolve and dignity. I could always wash off the outer appearance, but to myself, the uncleanness would still be there, reminding me I'm nothing.

"God," Nate moaned, thrusting his entire length forcibly harder and deeper into my body, tearing anything in its path as I cried out. Assaulting my prostate every time as he impaled his length forward into me, my body betrayed me again. My back arched away from his, fingernails digging into his hard, suntanned back as a sickening moan bubbled out my mouth.

"P-please s-stop," I begged, panting wildly at the sound of hot flesh slapping together. Ignoring me, he pushed forth harder, continuing to abuse the bundle of nerves in my body, switching positions where my head was roughly slammed into the table.

"Stop!" I yelled, my eyes popping out in horror, my arms gripping myself tightly, trying to focus back on reality. I violently began to shiver but I wasn't entirely sure if it had something to do with the now cold water running down my body, feeling like millions of needles pricking me, or the recent memory.

Turning off the water, I closed my eyes for a moment to keep myself from crying and shedding any more tears. Crying wouldn't make things better anyway. The problem would always still be there.

I stepped out the shower, wrapping the towel securely around me, embracing its soft warmness. I stepped out into my room, slipping on my boxers as I went. Luckily the blinds were drawn so no one could see me from outside. I grabbed a random navy blue sweater from off my bed, putting it on before hitting the books. I worked my way through all my homework, something that I wouldn't normally have done until a period before the actual class a couple months back.

Dull aches pulled at the muscles in my hand, just as I finished up. I pushed everything back in my bag, curling up into my sheets, indulging myself in the warmth. My eyes traveled to my digital clock reading only five fifteen, too early to go to sleep without waking up later on in the night. That was one reason. The other was a nightmare that plagued my dreams, pulling me further into the dark abyss.