Faded [OLD DRAFT 2014]

.XVlll.

I yawned, stretching out my sore muscles and shifting to find a comfortable spot. My hand darted out, blindly grabbing onto a soft object, rubbing myself more into the warm sheets. I curled myself up more on the soft bed, latching tightly on the pillow, inhaling a familiar safe sweet smell, an intoxicating drug to my hazed mind. The smell lingered and tickled my nose before I froze stiffly as everything began to process through my head.

Warm sheets, bed and pillow?

That couldn't be possible. How did I get inside and in a real bed when I fell asleep in the woods in a bed full of lilies? My eyes popped open, springing myself up from where I laid. My heart pounded loudly against my chest, gritting my mouth shut as I surveyed the room. Cream painted walls, brown curtains, brown sheets, it all seem too familiar. I knew it well. I knew exactly where I was even though I haven't been in here for that long.

This was Graham's room; there was no doubt about it. But it didn't explain why was I here? His actions earlier made it clear he didn't want anything to do with me. He couldn't even look me in the eye without disgust. I shifted again in the bed, a shadow fidgeting at the corner of my eye.

Gradually turning my head, I spotted Graham by the window. His neck tilted upward, gazing out the window and watching the luminous waxing crescent of the night with his back turned to me. Graham didn't budge and I didn't either.

Silently, I made the first move, pressing my legs to my chest just watched the back of him, waiting for him to acknowledge me, if he ever would. My eyes traced over his naked broad back, wondering if he was in wolf form earlier. His pants were loose, hanging a little of his waist, showing the rim of his white boxers. Graham wore no shirt, his shoes were missing too as his skin glistened in the dull lighting of the room, giving his tanned skin an unearthly shine.

"Is it true?" Graham monotonously asked, deprived of the warmth I was used to and the sound that made my heart flutter. My head bolted up with my eyes wide, startled at the indication of his voice.  He was talking to me.

My mouth opened to speak but nothing came out, unable to say anything to him. It stayed open a little while longer before I promptly closed it due to his staring, trying to keep at least piece of my dignity. My fingers dug into the denim jeans hugging my legs, trying to keep myself strong. I had to be for myself because there was no one there to be it for me.

Graham slowly turned to face me, showing his face, a pang beating against my chest. I recoiled into myself in, holding the hurting area. The pain, it hurt. It felt as if someone reached inside my chest and decided to rip my heart out to play soccer with. And when they were finished, they decided it was no use giving back such a mangled piece of organ so they threw it in the trash.

Hesitantly, I slowly gazed back into his eyes, seeing the reflected anguish I saw in mine every time I looked into a mirror. It was the same self loathing hate and misery. It hated it. I hung my head in shame as I bit my bottom lip, toying with it, fighting the stinging sensation growing in my eyes.

It made me wonder how he was told. I remember she said he was in a meeting. Did she call him out or wait after he was finished? And how she told him. Those words Alyssa said to me, was it the same way she relayed it to him? Did she let him down easy or just ripped his heart out in one go to make it easier for him to deal?

Either way what was done was done. He was hurting as much as I was. "Did you or did you not sleep with other people?"

"I-I," I began, my voice growing small as I wavered at the end and closed my mouth in response. There was nothing I could say, I was lost for words. Any answer I thought of giving, there was a feeling in my gut saying that it wouldn't be enough to satisfy his curiosity. He would demand more and wouldn't like the result. All the secrets I built up would come crashing down in an instant and bury me under it, suffocating me alive. There was no hope for a better outcome; it would all play out the same.