Educational Experience

Part III--Chapter 16

A song for the babies, whose lives hang in the balance. And for all children who listen to and learn from us, bless their hearts. Colt's children, and their uncertain future, take a front seat in all this legalese...

Taylor and Tyler kept hiccupping like all little kids do when they're trying to stop crying. On my bed, I held them both in my arms real tight to show them I was really there and wasn't going to let go or disappear or anything.

But I sort of wanted to disappear--not from them. Never.

But I'd done something awful. So at first, all I could think about was Aisha. Even with all that was going on with my kids, I knew I'd crossed the point of no return with someone who'd been my heart for damned near my whole life.

Wyatt was my partner. The one I'd be with. Even if we kept doing that silly "I love you/I can't love you" dance we did forever, even if we walked away from each other somehow, she'd the The One in the Way, for everyone else I tried to be with.

But Aisha was over and above all that. So were the other two. I probably would've jumped off a cliff or something, if they hadn't grabbed hold of me and taken me home with them that day right after my family died. They're like my "saints." They have to be honored at all costs.

And yet I'd totally disrespected Aisha in public. So I was just petrified inside. I mean, this could've ended us. The others couldn't let me get away with it. No way. And knowing I'd killed us, losing them forever...I'd be one sick, sorry bastard, believe me. I'd hate myself.

And sooner or later I would hate Wyatt, too.

So it was a big "lose/lose," no matter how I looked at it.

I buried my face in Taylor's hair to escape my thoughts. And after a few minutes, Tyler poked me and gave me a goofy little smile and Taylor looked over at him and started laughing. And the sun came out again.

I had to save them first. And Aisha, bless her, would know that. She might even have recovered enough to realize they were the reason I'd snapped at her. That I was out of my mind at the time. It was no excuse. But she knew me better than anyone. So she had to know how bad I felt. She had to.

I sent up a silent, "Please God," as I laid my babies down tickled them and tussled with them like old times and forgot about everything else because they needed me most right then. Chase would be there soon. We would rescue them. Or die trying. Cause if we didn't, I'd be as good as dead. Even if Aisha forgave me and Wyatt finally surrendered completely, I'd be so messed up they'd probably wish they hadn't.

Kelli reached for their big duffle bag and said, "They ask about you. Your babies."

"They don't hardly even talk yet," I said.

"No, seriously. The Davids, the foster family, they wanted you to see them because they say, 'Daddy' all the time. They're on our side."

She was getting their little bowls out so I could feed them. We bought them these really fancy little sets that stacked up like those Japanese lunch boxes that got so trendy for a while. Each one has a top so if they don't finish you can stick them in the fridge real easy. And there's a container for the utensils at the bottom.

So once she'd microwaved the two noodle dishes, I sat on the bed teasing them with the spoon and watching those beautiful little mouths open and chew and smile.

Baby lips are so perfect. Ever notice that? When I get all cynical about the world, just seeing little baby lips and noses and fingers puts the wonder back into it for me. And seeing a little of myself or Madison in them, that just knocks me out.