How It's Going To Be [h.s.]

Chapter 19

The cold sheets felt torturous around me as I slept. The duvet was pulled high on my chest, but I still felt like a winter breeze was surrounding me. My body shook lightly as I shivered in bed. I moved my left leg toward the center of the bed beneath the sheets hoping to find the warmth of Harry's leg. My efforts were in vain. My leg extended straight out without ever finding Harry.

Finally, I opened my eyes. It was sometime during the middle of the night. Darkness enveloped the room and I waited for my eyes to adjust. As I turned to face Harry's side of the bed, I saw that he wasn't there. I sat up in bed and peered around the dark room. The door to the bathroom was open and the light was off; he obviously wasn't using the toilet. I looked to the door leading out to the hallway. It was left slightly ajar, and a perimeter of yellow light was visible from across the room separating the door from the doorframe. Harry was probably getting a drink.

Several minutes passed by and I was left shuddering as new bursts of chilly air passed through the room. Hours earlier, we had returned from our date only to crawl into bed. We had both been equal parts freezing and exhausted. I had fallen asleep to the sound of Harry's heart beating through his chest and his arm wrapped tightly around me. Now I was alone and unsure where Harry had disappeared.

I tried to go back to sleep, but the cold was holding me hostage. I needed Harry. I didn't just want him to keep me warm in the too-big bed. I wanted him because I had grown accustomed to sleeping beside him and feeling his presence all night long. The closeness we had developed was something I treasured. Having that kind of relationship with someone was an indescribable and irreplaceable feeling.

Thirty minutes went by and Harry had not returned. I wasn't worried about him, but I was curious as to where he had wandered off. I got out of bed and found that the temperature of the room was the same as the one between the sheets. I regretted wearing just shorts and a t-shirt to bed, but it had never been a problem with Harry usually right beside me.

Blinking in the brightness of the hallway with the overhead lights turned on, I left the bedroom and tiptoed down the hallway toward the kitchen. It was at the entrance to the kitchen that I could finally make out Harry's voice. He was speaking in a hushed voice like he was divulging a secret. When he came into view, he was standing with his back to me, but his voice was clear.

"I can meet you this Wednesday. I'm really looking forward to seeing you." He paused as the other person said something. "No, she doesn't need to know. It will be our secret. See you then, bye."

I felt my mouth go dry. There was no mistaking the tone of voice he had been using. His voice had been soft and gentle—it was the voice he used to speak to women. I wasn't about to make assumptions, but the way he was speaking to the person and the things he was saying made it seem like he was keeping something from me.

I wanted to turn and go back to the bedroom, get under the duvet, and pretend to never have gotten out of bed. I wanted this to be a dream, or nightmare. Before I could make myself move, Harry turned around. His face was struck with panic for a moment. His eyes widened and his mouth fell agape. He set his phone on the counter behind him. Harry's mouth moved into a subtle smile. "What are you doing up, love?"

Love. "I woke up because I was cold and you weren't in bed."

"Just had a phone call. I'm sorry." He really did look apologetic.

My eyes moved to the clock on the wall. It was just after two in the morning. What kind of phone call was he taking at such an odd hour? He was taking a phone call that required him to make secret plans. "Who was it?"

"What?" He furrowed his eyebrows. I realized my voice had been too quiet and he truly hadn't heard me.

"Harry, who was that on the phone?" I hated myself for asking the question. I was never the type of person to pry when people didn't offer up information. I believed relationships required trust, even when trust was difficult. But in addition to trust, I also believed relationships required honesty. I waited for Harry to show me honesty.