Falling for a Psycho

Chapter One

The power is out again. It’s the third rolling blackout this week.  Living in Nevada, we don’t get much rain, but when we do, it pours down. The flash floods have killed the power.

I’m sitting at the kitchen table, mindlessly holding a piece of paper over the candle on the center of the table, watching the paper burn. It’s what I do when I’m bored.

My mom sees, and takes the paper and candle away, handing me a flashlight instead.

“Mom, do I really need to go to NIJCI tomorrow?” I say. Mom sighs, and sits at the table across from me.

“Yes, honey. You do. I know how you feel. My dad put me in a mental hospital when I was your age. It was because I was suicidal, and it turned out to be the best place I’ve ever been. I met your father there,” Mom says, as dad walks behind her. He leans down and kisses her, and she smiles, grabbing his arm.

“I love you,” Mom whispers.

“Okay. Stop making out, please. Anyway, I’m not going to a normal mental hospital,” I say. “It’s a place for the criminally insane. It’s a prison.”

“It’s a hospital where you will be able to find help for your mental illnesses,” Mom tells me. “It’s not my idea. It’s the police’s. You’re considered criminally insane, honey. I know that you can’t help it.”

“Yeah, son. Listen to your mother. She knows best,” Dad says. Mom laughs, and smiles at him. I stand up, and walk to the kitchen. The fridge isn’t working, and there’s nothing in there anyways. We had to throw it all out. I’m waiting for the power to come back on.

“Mom, there’s no food,” I say. “I’m freakin’ starving.”

“I know, Donovan. I’m aware of it. We’ll go get something soon. I just have to finish this paperwork,” Mom says, working on something for work by the light of a flashlight.

“Juliette, I can’t find the bathroom,” Dad yells. “It’s too dark and I really need to pee.”

“Gabe, use a flashlight. I can’t do anything about the power,” Mom responds, throwing a flashlight at dad. He catches it.

Finally, the power flickers on while my dad is in the bathroom.

“I’m magical! I was wishing for light, and it happened! I feel so powerful!” Dad yells. “But I’m taking a piss, so maybe my pee is magical!”

Mom laughs, and so do I. Okay, so my dad is pretty goofy. He’s a dork. A big dork.

Dad comes out of the bathroom, and kisses mom’s cheek. She looks at him.

“You could do better,” She says. He kisses her, and they start making out.

“Okay! Stop! Please! That’s disgusting!” I say, hiding my eyes. Dad lifts mom up so he’s against the wall and her waist is at his waist. Oh god. Gross.

“Donovan, go to your room and stay there. Mom and I are having private time,” Dad says, setting mom down on the table. My parents are embarrassing.

“No! Not where we eat,” I say, standing up. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but I’m hungry and there is no food.”

“Five minutes. That’s all we need,” Dad says. Mom hops off the table.

“That’s all you need,” Mom says. “Killed it, Gabe. You killed my desire.”

“Sorry. I’m going to go pick up dinner. What do you want?” Dad asks, standing up and getting his car keys.

“I don’t care. Food,” I say, sitting down on the couch. I can’t leave the house. It really does suck.

So, my dad goes and gets Taco Bell. I consider it my last meal before I am locked up in a prison with crazy people for a while.

My parents are acting casual about me leaving, but I know that they’re upset. I’m their only child. I’m going to miss them too. I’m close to my parents. Those are the only people I’m close to. I don’t bond with other people because they’re afraid of me.

After dinner, I go up to my room, and sit down on the mattress. My parents took my bedroom door off, and my closet doors, and I only have a mattress and a sleeping bag. I understand. It’s for my safety. All of my clothes and other personal items are in a chest of drawers in my parent’s room.

I usually don’t remember dreaming during the night, but I’ll wake up on the floor, and I’ve even been awoken by my mom, and she’s had a black eye from getting punched by me. I always feel bad when that happens. My mom knows why it happens and its okay with her. I’ve hit my dad before too, but I’ve never left bruises.

I wasn’t made fun of in school simply because I was too scary. I’m not a scary person, I just appear that way. So, no one in the school would mess with me simply because they were scared I’d beat the crap out of them when really, I’d never hurt anyone.

If I wasn’t so scary looking and considered to be an arsonist, then people would make fun of me because of my mental illness. They would tease me for being schizophrenic, and for having the sleep condition I have. Since I’m scary, I don’t get teased.

“Donovan,” The voice says. Oh god. I try to ignore the voice.

“Donovan, you know what you should do. Your mom is making you go to a mental institute,” The voice coos. “Go kill her.”

“I can’t kill her,” I whisper, keeping my voice down so no one hears.

“Yes, you can,” The voice continues. “Just go kill her. Drown her in the bathtub. It’s easy. Then, you don’t have to go tomorrow.”

“No. Shut up. Just shut up and let me sleep,” I grumble. The voice inside my head doesn’t stop. It won’t go away.

I ignore the voice for the rest of the night, and eventually fall asleep.

I don’t remember if I dream or not that night. Of course I dream, but I’m not sure what I dream about. All I know is that I wake up in the morning with my parents standing over me. Mom has scratches on her arms, and a swollen purple bruise on her leg. Dad has a bloody nose and he’s holding a tissue to absorb the blood.

I get up, and walk into my parent’s room to get some clothes. I go take a shower in the bathroom down the hall, and get ready to go. When I go downstairs, mom has gone to get breakfast, and dad is lying on the couch watching TV. I walk over to the couch, and dad looks at me, sitting up so I can sit down.

“How are you, Donovan?” Dad asks.

“I’m okay. I don’t want to go to NIJCI today,” I say. “I’m going to miss you, dad. I’m going to miss mom too.”

Dad looks at me, and I hug him. I’m not that big on hugs, but I need one now.

“I know. We’re going to miss you too. We’ll miss you a lot. But, it’s going to be good for you. You’ll hopefully find some way to control what’s going on, and you might make friends. You might meet a girl too,” Dad says. “I met your mom at a mental hospital.”

“Yeah, but I’m criminally insane. The girls I will meet are going to be really insane, like me,” I say, looking blankly at the TV.

“Your mom is insane, technically. She’s bipolar and has ADHD. She can’t sit still and she gets in moods where all she wants to do is bitch at me,” Dad says. “We all are insane. I hear voices, and I’m attracted to dead bodies. I was considered dangerous. I almost killed my ex girlfriend.”

“I know. It’s just, I don’t want to have to be around people crazier than me,” I say. I look at dad, and he sighs.

“I understand,” Dad says. Mom comes through the door with McDonalds, and we eat. I don’t really want to eat, but I have to because I have to take my meds. The meds are antipsychotics. They help a little bit. There isn’t many meds I can take, though. They just don’t help.

Truthfully, I’m scared. I’m scared that I’m just going to get worse when I’m at NIJCI. I don’t really know how that’s possible, but I’m irrationally scared of it.

I’m also a little bit scared of meeting scary people. I am scary, but hell, there could be people who are scarier than I am. There could be really crazy people.

 I’m talking straitjacket crazy. Straitjacket-and-padded-cell crazy.