Tastes Like Ash

Paranormal Happenings In The Kitchen

It all started with a conversation.

"Carrie, we are two paranormal people sharing the house. Strange things are bound to happen." 

"Hey, I'm not paranormal. I'm a witch. There are a countless number of us in history books."

That is when I, Terrence Rogers, part-time history teacher, full-time vampire shut up because those stories did not traditionally end well.

After a moment to settle the air, I directed the topic back to the matter at hand. Which was to remind my roommate that if a ghost was turning on our lights they'd have to start paying the electricity bill. 

Long story short: Four things that might be haunting our house. 

Infrasound:
In the 60's, a French scientist was doing some trippy things. Lab equipment shook and their scientific minds could not figure out why. Fast forward to 2004, animals flee hours before a natural disaster hits. In humans, it causes a sense of panic as shadows to dart around your vision. Add that to chills, and bam got your average ghost sighting. Not sure how sound waves turned on the marquee initials Carrie decorated our kitchen with. But hey, stranger things exist, obviously.

Forgetfulness:
After a certain number of years that shall not be named my memory doesn't always hold up to the little things anymore. I mean, literally what is the point of that small stuff besides to rule out ghosts?

Actual paranormal being(s):
I'm not saying there is definitely a ghost haunting us. I'm saying is there a lot of stuff in the world that I don't see. Ghost, ghouls, and other different plane creatures don't commonly make themselves visible. "But wait, you're among the undead! Don't you have the sight?!" Nope. If ghosts are real, they are likely as abundant as germs and I really think I want to see that even if I could.

Okay, I have no idea...
I wanted to make you a nice listicle, but I have nothing else. Maybe you have a suggestion? Bah, it hardly matters Carrie is going to burn sage all the same.

This is all distracting me from what I really wanted to tell you about anyways. There is a ridiculous rumor that has been spread for generations, and the Internet is being of no use to correct this. Until now. The myth in question is that food tastes like ash in a vampire's mouth. And hey, maybe it does if you've never had my cooking. 

So as I ignore grading papers and wait all daylight for the crock-pot, let me provide you with my first recipe! I'll even rope Carrie back in after she's done teaching the youth art, and she'll give you a human review if you insist on still believing that libel nonsense. 

Slow Cooker Scalloped Potatoes
For larger sizes and variants of this recipe please check out AllRecipes.com

Ingredients:
2 pounds potatoes, peeled and thinly sliced
1 cup shredded Cheddar cheese
7 oz of condensed cream of mushroom soup
3 oz of milk
Pinch of garlic powder, salt, and pepper

Directions:
Put it all in your crock pot, cover, and cook on high for 4 hours.

Warning:
Mind your mixing spoon when you are prepping. Any possible familiars in your house might end up licking the spoon. Many times.

Review:
Carrie: Mmm, po-ta-toes. The key to happiness is a mouth full of these. To be fair, I love potatoes and would eat a whole one right now. But still, would have again, and again.

T: Maybe I shouldn't have surprised her with dinner if I wanted an unbiased opinion. Noted for next time.