Tastes Like Ash

Snacks For The Road Ahead

Myth 1: Teachers conferences are fun road trips

If I could kill a non-living thing, I'd kill bullshit sayings like in that graphic. Here at Tastes Like Ash, I point out the weird mythos surrounding vampire culture so let's tackle a few more. Inspired by a teacher's conference we had to go to. Carrie called it a "road trip" with the cheerfulness of yellow paint. And I let her, because I adore her.

Conclusion: False

Myth 2: Vampires are vulnerable to sunlight

The only reason I was able to go to the teacher's conference was because Carrie was able to drive. Before this, I got to make up excuses and cancel a lot. (Which also leads to the spread of rumors, and annoyed bosses.) But the light part of vampire lore is totally true, even if some parts are exaggerated. To varying degrees, vampires are prone to light sensitivity. I'd never literally catch on fire, but too much sun and it will certainly feel like it.

Humans can be light sensitive too, but it's definitely in the vampire gift bag. Personally, I get a headache and it physically hurts my eyes within seconds. This is also where you get rumors that vampires like darkness and can be found in shadowy and cold places. During the car ride, I mostly sat with the air on and sunglasses because it was freaking bright to be outside.

The conference had skylights and I had to be "that person" who wears sunglasses indoors. People always think I'm being rude, but believe me, I'd be more rude with a migraine.

Conclusion: True

Myth 3: Vampires can shapeshift

I have the urge to change into a bat, or a cat, or some other rhyming animal almost daily. Most recently when our administration was talking to other professors about how great our currently approved textbooks were. Despite that I pointed out that they were historically inaccurate last week. Did anyone listen to the history teacher? Of course not.

But wait, can't professors pick any textbook they want? Kind-of. But that power at best goes as far as the walls of my class. Furthermore, the admin building likes all the department to be on the same page. So if I rock the boat, I become the "guy wearing sunglasses indoors" again.

And apparently, it's rude to correct people if they hold a higher position than you, even if you are right. So much for proper education, hello bureaucracy. Anyways, there are plenty of vampiric animals, but none of them are able to shapeshift. Nor do I think they'd want to silently have to deal with ill-conceived "to live is to travel" sayings that suggest if you don't (shape)shift your surroundings, you aren't really living.

Conclusion: False

Myth 4: Vampires need blood to live

Not to suggest a variant on this myth isn't out there, but I don't recall any vampires (fictional or otherwise) that can live without blood. But I do feel like that statement is a tiny bit misleading, we can live without blood. But it is not a life you'd want to live. When I forget to feed, I normally first feel it in my bones. It feels everything is locking up. Not like a joint or muscle cramp either, it's bone-deep. I don't want to get into the details, but basically picture anyone off their meds and the results will be similar and equally as varied.

I've been told vampirism itself will not kill you on its own. But it's not something I ever want to attempt without blood-based help. Sometimes I think I'll just suffer through it, and then I picture Interview With A Vampire, or Underworld style of vampires not feeding and shutting down to the point where they can't move or feel a thing. That normally scares me enough to do something for myself.

Conclusion: True

You know what else you technically don't need to live, but makes life better? Snacks. We made some for the road and I feel like sharing with you since others were nice enough to share it with us. Plus, it's no bake!

Ingredients:
2/3 cup of honey (Or brown rice syrup. To keep it vegan, gluten free, and corn free. Making it bee free or not is up to you.)
1/2 cup of creamy peanut butter
1/4 cup light brown sugar, packed
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 cups quick cook oats
2 cups crispy rice cereal
1 cup chocolate chips

Directions:

Place the honey, peanut butter, brown sugar in a microwave-safe bowl, heat for a minute, stir.Heat for another minute, then stir again.Add vanilla and saltThen the oats and stir some more1 cup of rice, now stirring more carefully, than the other cup.Add coco powder and add 75% of the chocolate, and stirLine 8x8 pan with foil, letting it hang over the sides. Spray with cooking oil, and pack everything down into the pan.Add remaining chocolate chips now (This is so they don't all melt in the mixture)Cover the pan with foil and in the fridge for 2-3 hours or freezer for an hour if you are in a hurry.Once time has passed, use the overhanging foil to remove from the pan, place on cutting board and cut to desired size.

Results: Traveling can suck, but least these don't.