Promises to Keep©(Sequel to The Bad Boy) COMPLETED

Chapter 35

Oh and btw the pic on previous chap is me:6 sorry for breaking ur screen:6 just thought ud like to know wat belle looked like so tada. Ha. Anywho continue.

Apologizing for the rant ahead of time.

~*~


"Hi." I whispered out in a breath I didn't know I was holding.




"I didn't think you'd come."




I let out a breathily chuckle and a small smile made my pink lips curl up. "Neither did I."




He let out a strained chuckle before looking me dead in the eye. "Does this mean you'll at least hear me out?"




I nodded with a shaky breath hitching in my throat with a broken expression creasing his features. He took a deep breath and a hold of my small hand in his large one.




"I don't know exactly where to begin. Me and Mariah dated for three months, nothing happened during that time. She couldn't even make me laugh. I don't know why I dated her to be honest. I guess I was just loosing hope, but when I found you o-n my front step with a ch-ild." His voice broke and strained to finish towards the end.




I squeezed his hand in an assurance to continue and that I would hear him out. He took a deep breath causing his chest to rise high and fall back down. His bright blue eyes became glossy with tears as one managed to slip past his eyelid.




"The world stopped and I forgot everything in it. Except you and Analisa. Having a girlfriend never even crossed my mind. I'm so sorry."




I looked away from his face and focused on the plain white tile flooring as I tried to process this all.




Should I believe him?




Is he just putting on a show to get me back?




I don't think he his because he looks truly and utterly heart broken and it's very hard to fake.




Should I forgive him?




This is something big to forgive and forget.




I think I can manage the forgiving part, but the forgetting, that will take a lot of time and patience.




"I d-don't know, N-iall." I choked, keeping my gaze on the floor.




"Please, Belle. Please. What if I said I like who I am with you? What if I said I longed for your touch? What if I said I wanted to be good for you? What if I said I love you? What would you do?"




I lifted my gaze from the ground to see his brow creased and his eyes watching me intently.




"I would say that I love you. I will always love you."




"But?"




"But, I need time."




His face fell and his gaze landed on his one hand fiddling with the hem of the bed sheets between his thumb and forefinger.




"I can give you as much time as needed. If you promise to forgive me."




"Niall, it's more complicated than that."




He shook his head and lifted his eyes to meet mine before lifting his head back up. "It's not. You believe. You forgive. You forget. Simple as that."




I shook my head slightly. "It's not as simple as that, Niall. You have to come from my point of view. You cheated."




"It's not like I meant to."




I scoffed and stood up throwing his hand back at him. "It's a choice."




"I forgot! Is it really that hard to understand!?"




I rolled my eyes and let out an annoyed huff.




Things have escalated quickly and I think we can blame part of it on me being pregnant.




"If you would think logically for once maybe you would understand!"




His brow furrowed in anger as fury rose in his eyes turning them a menacing dark blue. His hands fisted the bed sheets and his breaths turned deep.




"Are you calling me stupid?" His tone taunting.




"No. I'm saying you should see things from my side for once to at least understand somewhat what you have put me through."




His infuriated eyes met mine trying to make me back down, but it only encouraged me further.




I wanted to prove to him that I wouldn't back down just because he was looking at me with anger.




Neither of us uttered a word for what felt like an hour, but was merely a minute. He took one last deep breath and released the sheets from his white knuckles.




"If time is what you want, then time is what you shall get."




I took one last look at him before placing my hand on the doorknob.




"Goodbye, Niall."


~*~



"Believe in yourself. Everyone else is taken."

"Put on what you like! It doesn't matter what other people think!"

I wish it was just that simple to believe. Don't get me wrong I do believe that I'm pretty but that's it.

Every time I put an outfit on I'm always wondering what other people would think of it. I know I shouldn't but it's like trying to tell me not eat food cuz it's gon happen!

I always put on a strong, confident, fun loving facade to the point where now I don't even know what the real me is any more. Deep down I hide away all of my sadness and feelings of that sort like I pack clothes in a suitcase. I keep it locked up tight and only three people hav ever seen me break. My mom, grandma, and my dad.

When I break I cry for a good couple hours and then it's like starting a new page to a journal fresh and clean. Although I still bottle up some things I've already broken over.

If you were to ever meet me you would probably think "she's so crazy and fun loving!"

I am at heart but underneath everything is a broken girl who can't seem to find all the pieces to her heart so that she can put them back together.

It will usually take me months to break but ever since my horrible sweet sixteen I have broken several times so bad to the point I actually thought of cutting because I felt worthless but I didn't.

I held my chin up high and told myself God put me here for a reason and I just have to find it out.

In case some of y'all didn't know in April the weekend after my birthday I held my sweet sixteen party.

I had planned it for several months and we rented out the entire skating rink for two hours and I invited 30-40 people and I got bout 25 RSVP saying that they'll come and wouldn't miss it for the world.

So I got a new outfit for that night and got all ready and there and I sat and waited for ten minutes.

I texted all the people and they came up with lame excuses why they couldn't make it.

I already knew that one of my friends would be a few minutes late so I waited for her to come.

She did.

She was the only one to come.

I didn't cry.

I didn't show my sadness.

I didn't show how much it broke me.

No.

I held my head up and me and Chloe skated around the rink for the two hours having a good time before it was time to go.

Before I left the manager gave me six tickets to get in for free saying he felt bad that no one showed. I accepted them and to this day they are all still in my wallet untouched.

I stopped talking to those friends that didn't come. I deleted their numbers. I was through with them. I had dealt with them for three years in school before I homeschooled and I was tired of having to always be the one to hold up the friendship.

That night though once I got home I told my parents I was going to take a shower.

It was a three hour shower which is normal if you know me because I love long showers but this one I broke. I cried my heart out.

Chloe knows because she knew that had to have hurt me.

It did.

It still does.

I only have three true friends and two of them live in Virginia. I'm afraid I'm loosing one of them though and that breaks me even more.

The thing is to top it all off I am kinda a social person. I like to be around people and talk and laugh but I have no one.

I have key club and you guys.

Key club though we don't really talk outside of it.

I'm just so tired of being tired.

Tired of being hurt and broken.

You would never know this bout me if I didn't just rant out my heart. I will never show on the outside just how broken I am in public. Four people know and now y'all.

God gives his hardest battles to His strongest soldiers.

Well He must thing I am pretty freaking strong.

I won't give up.

I'll never give up.

I'm too stubborn to just let go that easily and to let it consume me.

I'm sorry for the rant.

I just had to vent.

"Head up, stay strong, fake a smile, move on."


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