overtime - ed

9

" now i done caught feelings,
worth more than millions. "

evelyn:

"jacob, i need to talk to you about something."

there are chills running down my spine as i walk up to him. he is sitting on the couch eating takeout and i look at him, trying to figure out if what i am about to do is actually necessary. his eyes move from the television to me and he smiles, mouth full of noodles.

i breathe in lightly, not knowing how i should say this. he pats the seat beside him and i hesitantly sit there. i don't want to see his face up close when i tell him this. should i even tell him this? my skin crawls and i look at my arms, goosebumps beginning to take shape.

he holds my hand and i flinch. he looks at me lovingly and smiles.
"what's wrong, love?"

i bite the inside of my cheek. i fiddle with my fingers, unraveling my hands from his. i bite my lip and wince as i tell him - not wanting to look at his reaction. he looks at me like i'm the only thing in the world which makes me cringe, i speak quickly.

"i'm breaking up with you."

his eyebrows drop and his shoulders loosen up. i shouldn't have opened my eyes to look at him because now i am filled with utter regret. he tilts his head slowly before breathing out trying to figure something out.

"is there someone else?"

my heart drops when he asks this. i wanted to say no and block all of the confusion that he must be feeling but for some reason i am not afraid to tell him anymore. i loved ethan, he loved me (well, i think) and i wanted to do this, i needed to do this. it was best for him and i.

"yes, ethan."

"my boss? mr.dolan?"

he looks more shocked than angry and i don't know how i should feel. he asks me again and i nod before he puts his food that was once on his lap on the table and breathes in quickly.

"when did you figure this out, that you wanted to be with him?"

i feel my cheeks burn. i don't want to tell him that i fell in love with him when he first walked into our house in his tuxedo and his nice,wavy hair and freshly cleaned shoes. i tell him "during the past few weeks" and jacob's face looks even more confused.

"what about alyssa, his girlfriend?"

i choke on my own spit, not wanting to even know what he meant. i try to trace back my steps to when i was in his house but i can't. he never mentioned an alyssa, but then again, would he?

i can't muster up anything to say. i cheated on my long time boyfriend and ethan cheated on ahis girlfriend with me, i was the side hoe. i was the temporary one. i was never actually going to be with him, he played me.

"wait, you thought he loved you?"

i push my head into my hands, nodding. embarrassed and humiliated and disgusted all in the same facial expression. i could feel my throat getting dry and my cheeks getting hot.

i shouldn't have told him this, for me and for him. i didn't need to find this out. that i was being played. it all makes sense, really.

he never told me he loved me. i was so ready to up and leave jacob that i used ethan as an excuse. i was pathetic. i run through my hair in irritation.

"what do you mean?"

when i say this, my voice comes out shaky. i didn't realize i was crying. jacob looks at me unsympathetically and i totally get it. the lack of emotion on his face is painful to watch.

"alyssa? they've been together 2 years, she won't leave him no matter what he does. he had multiple women with him every night, but i don't say anything because i don't want to loose my job.

i would've told you, if i had a reason to. alyssa works in real estate and sold mr.dolan the club he just opened, that's how they got together in the first place."

i was one of the girls he throws around just for pleasure. i was useless to him, really. he had lied to me. i had broken my back to be with him and he was only watching me.

jacob stands up and stretches, not even wanting to look at me. he brings his takeout food into the kitchen and puts it in the refrigerator, then he grabs a wine glass.

"you can go, now."

i don't hesitate. he raises his glass to me as i go upstairs in the room which earlier this morning we shared together. i throw my clothes into a bag before stumbling down the stairs, my eyes filled with tears.

"i'm so sorry."

i cry. i set my pair of apartment keys on the counter in front of me and he only glances at them and sips his red wine. he won't look at me still.

"sorry won't make anything better, you did it. you weren't sorry when you were fucking my boss."

i wince at his harsh words. he wasn't wrong, i wasn't sorry. i was regretful. i shut the door behind me and i cry even harder. i run my hands through my hair and roll my bags onto the elevator without even thinking.

i don't want to think, i can't think, and obviously i wasn't thinking whenever i was with ethan. my brain just doesn't function when i'm around him and it certainly doesn't function when i'm thinking about him either.

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second to last chapter thank god, this book is getting so old so fast.