Roman, I Love You

Coming Home

22

A few more weeks passed and my boss approached me with a project that called for me to fly to New York and stay for nearly a week. He told me that it was completely up to me, but he had told them he would ask his best to go, and apparently, that was me. I only had to think about it for a few moments, before I agreed. Though what he said after called for a pause in thought.

He told me that if things went well and if I wanted to, then it could very likely turn into a permanent thing. I had to admit that the idea was not completely horrible. It might be just the kind of opportunity I needed, but New York was pretty far from my family.

Within the week, I was in New York and I was a little overwhelmed with how big and busy it was. It was a little refreshing being in a big place that I could blend into and where no one knew my name. There was nothing to remind me of my past or bring up old memories. The hotel room that I was set up in was really nice and I had a pretty good view of my surroundings. I did not get much time to enjoy it though, because I was constantly working for the magazine. It was a sister magazine to the newspaper I worked for back home and I had to admit that I liked it there too.

While I was there, I talked to Avery and told her about the option to make the position permanent. She was understandably torn, because on one hand she wanted me to grow and flourish. On the other hand, she never wanted me too far from her. I felt the same way. There was just so much to think about and take into perspective. It was a conversation to be had and debated with my therapist.

The week flew by and the final issue was beautiful. Something to be truly proud of and I was proud. To celebrate, the office went out. It was strange to be out with so many strangers, especially since I had gotten so used to the dynamic Avery, Nat, and I had created. It was fun, though, to be responsible for myself. I could prove to myself that I was capable of doing it, too.

The fact that we were at a bar and not a club made it less of a challenge. I liked the place, though, it was intimate, but I still felt like I had privacy. The people from the magazine were fun and inviting. It was nice to feel included, but I also realized that the people back home were too, I just never let them in.

One of the guys from the magazine, was being particularly nice. His name was Daniel, and he was cute. He had short, blonde hair and deep, dark, brown eyes. He was goofy and full of jokes. He was also full of questions. After we had been there for most of the night, we ended up sitting together at the bar.

He commented on the fact that I was quiet and kind of shy. I was not sure how to respond, but I guess he thought me being unsure was cute. He asked about my home and family. I have learned over the years to just tell people the bare minimum about my family in order to make sure they do not get too uncomfortable.

Eventually, he asked about a significant other back home. I had no idea how to answer him. It was true, I was still in love with Roman, I was sure that I would always love him. I had not spoken to him since that night, and I had no idea how his life had been. Whether he had met someone or if he even wanted me back after all this time and all that I had done to him.

Maybe space had cleared his head and he realized that loving me was more than it was worth, in the end. Part of me hoped he had not. The other part wondered if he would love the person I had become. Maybe the allure was gone when I was not constantly on the verge of death. I truly did not know if he could love me anymore.

It took me a couple of moments, before I answered. I told him that there had been someone, but that we had been apart for a while. He nodded and put his hand on top of mine. He mused about break-ups and rebounds all the while stroking his thumb over my skin. I was not sure how I felt about it. He was nice and he was someone that I could be attracted to, but I did not know him. Was this flirting?