Roman, I Love You

Giving It All

This is the last chapter before the epilogue and it has been so wonderful sharing this story with you guys! - Lyse xoxo

23

Roman stood up from sitting on the ground next to my door. I kept my hand clenched around the handle of my suitcase, because I did not trust it to stay next to me if it was not holding something. He looked like he had been here for a while, but his eyes were still bright in the dim hallway. A few breaths passed before he actually looked me in the eyes. When he did, it was just as powerful as it always was when he looked at me.

Slowly, a small, sheepish smile spread across his mouth and then he stuffed his hands in the pockets of his jacket. He looked nice, he looked like he should be at work. Something about him almost looked nervous. It was a sight to see, I was almost completely sure that I had never seen him look nervous since I met him. But there he was, standing in front of me gazing at me with apprehensiveness on his shoulders.

I was the one to break the silence, "How long have you been here?" I asked.

A nervous laugh bubbled from his lips before he answered, "Nat said that you were supposed to be back around three-thirty." He said.

My eyes widened as I realized he had been here for that long. "My flight got delayed, I would have thought that he would have told you."

"It's my fault, my phone died, and I didn't want to risk leaving to charge it." His hand emerged from his pocket to scratch his neck.

"I'm so sorry." I apologized as I started forward to open the door. "Please come in, I'm sure your butt would appreciate the more accommodating cushion of my couch."

I opened the door and entered, leaving it open for him to come in while I rolled my suitcase into my room. I stayed in there for a few seconds more as I steeled myself for this. It was not like I did not want to talk to him, but I had thought that I would have had more time. I thought that I when I came to him, I would already have a few things worked out and I would know just what I wanted. In the end, I just had to settle with thirty seconds of breathing in my room.

He was on my couch when I re-entered the room with his forearms resting on his thighs and his hands clasped. It was almost cute to see him squirm. Of course as soon as he noticed me enter, he stood up again and faced me as I came to stand in front of him. He unclasped his hands and they slipped into the pockets of his pants with his thumbs sticking out. He had taken his jacket off, so I could better see the nice way that his shirt fit him, accentuating every part of him. It was almost like as soon as he stood up, he relaxed and I could see the Roman I knew so well. I could see the self-assurance; it was comforting to know he had not lost it.

"How was your trip?" He asked.

I was not sure what I expected from him, but I was not expecting an inconsequential question like that. "It was fine. I had a nice time, it was mostly work, but the issue came out really nicely."

He nodded, and smiled but it did not touch his eyes just yet. "You liked New York?"

I again wondered if he was going to get to why he was here, why he had waited so long outside of my door. If he wanted to ask questions like that he could have just called.

"Yeah," I answered slowly. "I'm sorry Roman, I am just a little confused. Not that I am not happy to see you, but what you came here for has to be more than just asking me about New York."

He was quiet as he just gazed at me. And then he spit it out, "Are you going to leave? Were you going to tell me?" I knew he was trying not to sound angry, but it was obvious that he was upset.

My heart did a little flip and I wanted so badly to reach out to him, but I did not know if I would ever be able to stop if I did. "I-I haven't made a decision. I don't know. I wanted to talk it through with my therapist and I wanted to talk to you, eventually. I just haven't. I'm sorry."

He nodded again and then said, "I know that it is selfish of me, and I know that you said you needed to be on your own, but I don't want you to leave. When I first met you, Scarlett, I was intrigued because I saw myself in you. I'm not stupid, I knew that you had issues with loving and trusting and feeling. I loved that you were dead inside, because I was just as lifeless. Something changed though. I started caring and I mistook it for wanting to consume you. I was angry that I cared, and suddenly the darkness surrounding you did not draw me in, it just made me want to save you.

"I thought you'd be a fun play thing, but I wanted you around all of the time. You made me smile, made me really, really happy. And suddenly, an expiration date was the scariest thing that I could think of. The way you avoided yours and my feelings hurt when it should have reassured me. I was used to meaningless relationships with people who did not matter. You made me fall in love, you taught me how to feel. You don't need me, and if I had to, I could get on without you. I just don't want to Scarlett. I still only want you." He took a step forward and I stood in stunned silence. "Please, say something, Scarlett."

My voice was thick with unshed tears, "You were supposed to move on."

"I tried. I did. Last night, I tried to go back to what I was before you. There was a woman, she was on the bed, waiting for me to kiss her, waiting for me to touch her. I tried to. She was beautiful, but her thighs did not have ridges from her scars. She was soft, but her hips did not have a log of the horribly, awful, bad nights. Her body did not tell of her past, so I did not want her future." He reached up and held my face in his hands, "I want you, every part of you, no matter what, forever." His eyes were bright and I could see the sea crashing, just waiting to envelop me.

My chest was full. Full of his words, his feelings and mine, and it was ready to burst. I was ready to burst. Everything he said, was what I wanted to hear. I wanted him, too. He was right, I did not need him. The past few months had proved that to me, but now that I knew that I could, I did not want to. I loved him, I loved him, I loved him.

"Roman," I breathed, "I love you." And then I kissed him.

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You know I had to have that happy ending!! I don't think that I have it in me to deny my characters their love! Anyway, stay tuned for the epilogue it will be a little bit lengthy compared to these last few chapters and I should have it up within the next couple of days. I just want to thank the readers who have been keeping up with this I am so so grateful for you guys so much love ahhhhh - Lyse <3