July 4 2016

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Dear love,
I have been writing you coded letters for the past week. I'm tired of it and I'm too afraid to send them. It takes too long and I need you now. Though it has only been that long since school ended, it feels like it's been forever since we've talked.
I guess that's because I'm staying at the same place that I was two years ago when we started to talk. I'm sleeping in the same bed, and I stare at the same ceiling. Except this time around I'm crying into the same bed and staring at the same ceiling through endless sleepless nights.
Panda, I'm tired. Whenever I do finally fall asleep it's because I cried myself there. I don't want to cry anymore. The depression has finally settled in. Even when I am surrounded by family I am not happy.
Panda, I'm tired. I wish you were here to hold me until I fall asleep and save me from the tears.
Panda, please come and save me. I want to shrivel and shrink into something so small that I will be forgotten. I want to fade into black.
Panda, you have forgotten me.
Panda, please don't forget me.
Panda, come and save me. Hold me close so I don't slip through your fingers because I'm breaking down-
Panda, please save me. Save me. Please hold me. Stop me from falling apart.
Panda, catch all of my tears.
Panda, don't let me believe that you made me filthy. Wipe me clean from the filth I have covered myself in. Hold me as if I am the only one you have ever loved.
Panda, don't let me believe that you were a mistake.
Panda, let me hold you. Let me cling onto you for dear life. Let me be your bamboo once again.
Panda save me.
Panda save me
Save me
Panda
Please

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