A Walk Through Hell (Boyxboy)

Chapter 24- A World Alone

I waited. I couldn't approach him. He looked like hell. Bags under his eyes and a hunch in his back. He was still lovely. I couldn't breath he was so beautiful. I couldn't keep my eyes dry. It felt like years since I'd seen him last. Even though it had been two days. I couldn't bring myself to get up for two days. But today Max forced me. If I missed any more school I wouldn't be able to graduate. It was the end of the day, and I had go through six hours of toture. Watching him. He was as miserable as I was, if not more. The halls had almost cleared out, so I went slowly to his locker. I knew he knew I was there. His back tensed. But he pretended not to notice me.

I stood there for a few minutes. I couldn't find my words. I couldn't find anything. Not even my legs to carry me away. I couldn't do a thing but stare. And he let me. He stared back once his locker was closed. He didn't stop staring at me until I finally found my voice. "We need to talk," I muttered awkwardly. He shook his head slowly. Doubtfully. "About what? We said all we needed to say that day." I shook my head vigorously. "No...I didn't. I love you. I keep fucking up and I'm sorry, but one more chance, please."

"I'm out of chances. I can't do it anymore." I frowned. "Do what anymore?" My voice quavered. Telling him I knew exactly what he meant. He gestured between us. "This. I can't handle your mood swings. Your need to hurt people. I can't deal with it." He was already making me cry. And we hadn't even been talking that long. Just a few minutes. "I'm pathetically in love with you...and I know we're meant to be together." His voice was getting raspy as he tried to choking back tears. He grabbed me hand and intertwined our fingers. I squeezed his hand hard.

"I'll never find anyone like you," he choked out. I let out a whimper. "Then why are you leaving me?" I asked, distressed. "Because you don't realize that I'm on your side! I always was!" His tears flowed freely. I'd never hated myself more. "You made me fall for you. You were this tiny little thing and I felt like you'd break if I even moved wrong. I've never loved anyone more than you. Never. I told you I'd help you get better. That I'd be there and I was trying to keep my promises. But you and your pride got in the way. You wanted to believe you were getting better. I was fighting for you...but when I looked up, you weren't fighting for yourself. I was the only one trying to save you..."

"And you can't save me from myself?" I asked. He'd trailed off but I saw the direction of the conversation. He put his hand on my cheek, caressing it, with his other hand in my hair, forcing the back of my head to rest against the cold wall. "No...you weren't telling me how to." I leaned in to his touch. His hands were warm against my face. He was so close. So warm. I needed him. I wanted him. I had to have him. I had to.

"You need to get your shit together. I knew you'd be trouble from the moment I realized I loved you. Get it together before we're not in each others lives anymore. Figure it out, get help." He stared at me tor the longest time.

His thumbs stroked my cheeks, wiping countless tears falling from my tired eyes. The love in his eyes only made believing we were over even harder. He didn't have to look at me like I was the only guy in the world. I knew I'd fucked it up. I looked into his eyes. I'd memorized them. I loved them. Orbs of light. They were my stars. They were home to me. He was home to me. How could everything turn out so fucked? I was being forced out of my home?

He rested his forehead on mine. Our noses brushed together, and he smiled. It was tiny and sweet. I noticed a tear fall from his lash. "I love you," he whispered almost inaudibly. I waited to see what he'd do. It was painful. I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around his neck and tell him to take me back. Demand it. But I was frozen. I was stuck. Breathing in his magnificent scent. He was a glorious gift, but I had been stupid enough to give him up.

He was stealing my breath. Pulling it out of my body to supply himself. I would let him have my last breath if it made him less sad. But he only pushed my head back until his lips fell clumsily upon mine. It wasn't just a kiss. Our lips touched. My heart beat irregularly. It was a cry for help. Neither of us wanted to part. Neither of us wanted to be the one to walk away. It was our last kiss. His mouth opened when mine did. His teeth scrapped mine. His tongue matched mine. It was the clumsiest kiss we've ever shared. We were both too busy chocking back sobs so we wouldn't end up sobbing into each others mouths.

I threw my arms around his neck, but the kiss was over far too soon. It wasn't enough. But nothing would ever be enough. The pain in my chest, the weight of the world would not leave me anytime soon. He pulled away. My arms fell to my sides as he let out a heartbreaking cry. His eyes were red. I bet mine were too. He turned and walked.

I didn't have the energy to go after him. Only reach my arm out. Clench a fist at the empty air. I groped through the halls and out the front door. Max's car was out there. I slinked down the stairs and got into his car. His eyes questioned but I couldn't dig up an answer. I just buckled in, leaned my head against the window and touched my lips. I could still feel his lips. The passion. The pain. We were perfect for each other.

I broke down and cried. I didn't even care anymore. It just hurt and I had to let it out. I had to mourn. I had to.

~ uploaded on christmas

named after a world alone by lorde