S-I-N, I, S-I-N || Priest!Gerard

Chapter 24: Houston, We Have A Problem

15th, January

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The days crawled by slowly, taking all the time in the world and doing an incredible job of testing my patience and my ability to cope under pressure. I had a million thoughts on my mind a day, anything ranging between wondering when Dale was gonna show up to trying to think of how I'd tell Gerard I knew he was in love with me.

I'd avoided the priest for ten days which takes a lot of effort when I have to attend mass every morning so I simply went back to the nurses office and feigned being sick, earning myself a reason to stay in bed all day and talk to no one. At the same time I also cornered myself and allowed Luka and Iris to come into the room whenever they felt like it, asking as many questions as they pleased with me struggling to come up with answers.

Iris would ask me different things, what gender I wanted the baby to be, what I'd name it, am I nervous or excited and the most common one was the recurring question as to who the dad was. I'd learned my lesson from Dale and didn't intend to forget it, I'd made a mistake telling my own brother about who the father was so there was an absolute zero percent chance that I was going to tell just a friend.

Luka had found out by coming over to check on me while I was 'sick' and he accidentally found the positive pregnancy test that I'd forgotten to throw out, he asked whose it was and I decided 'fuck it, Iris already knows' and told him. Surprisingly he was rather relaxed about it, sat down and nodded along as I explained as much as I was willing to, once I finished speaking he asked if I wanted to watch a movie then sat on my bed next to me and put a film on his laptop.

It would have been awful if he freaked out and it put a smile on my face for him to just pretend he never found the test and to carry on hanging out with me like we usually did. Iris was the more anxious of the two but over the space of a couple of days she came around and was calm like Luka instead.

There was nothing more I could have asked for than having my friends with me, they were the best distraction I had and when they were around, chatting, laughing, they took my mind off my brother and Gerard. Of course I'd always return to having a internal panic attack once I was left alone for a while but it was a nice, sweet emotional reprieve.

The tougher side of me wanted to go visit Gerard, try to figure out what we were going to do. My brother had been my plan B and I now had no plan B, just the impending sense of doom that grew each second. I knew once I talked to him it'd become even more blindingly obvious we couldn't do anything about the predicament. I had no new ideas that could work as a magical solution and I severely doubted he had any either because he still had to finish all his paperwork and other stuff on his list of things to do.

I had things I should be doing also, rehearsing for the play, homework, essays. I'll admit my things didn't sound all that important and I didn't want to be doing any of them but it didn't change the fact I was avoiding my responsibilities by faking being sick. I wonder how long I'll be able to keep that up, hopefully forever, that'd be very nice.

Sometimes I wish I had the opportunity to do things over and in all honesty I wouldn't undo me sleeping with Father Way, I just would have made myself smart enough to use protection. I don't regret being with him, it's what's come of it that makes me feel like a giant screw up who should have thought things over first.

I wish I could get a view into Gerard's mind for a moment, however brief. I want to know what he thinks of this whole thing. Is he freaking out as much as I am or is he laid-back about it? Was he actually serious when he said he wanted to be a dad or was he playing a cruel, horrible joke on me?

It's just that when I look at him, aside from the fact he's a priest I see a man that wants to enjoy his life, go out, have fun, attend a party or two. Then he lies down on my lap, looking freaking adorable like a baby faced teenager and starts talking about how he wants to go shopping for baby clothes and that he wants to raise our child like we're a normal family. What he says never matches how he looks, aside from the time passing between us when we have our clothes off and the door locked.