S-I-N, I, S-I-N || Priest!Gerard

Chapter 31: Could You Leave Me With A Scar?

I more or less listened to what Dale told me, only going inside for a minute to get a second shirt, something to wear under my jacket to keep me warm while I waited. I'm not stupid, I know I should have stayed in the warmth but I was afraid that I'd run into Iris or even worse, see Gerard; there was no way on earth that I could handle talking to him right now. Especially after going ahead and telling Dale where I was.

When I first told my brother that I was pregnant, when he freaked out and insisted that I was gonna go back to America to live with him, I was really scared and I didn't know what I was supposed to do but after I've been given some time to think about it; once I've actually put things into perspective, it just kinda makes sense for me to stay with him.

It's a fact that Dale makes a good chunk of money from his job, his band's been doing amazingly for a few years and I know that he and April put a down payment on a vacation house in Alaska not that long ago. As well as Gerard wants to think things are going well for him I can tell they're not, I've seen the look on his face when he's playing with My Chemical Romance...he doesn't want to be a priest anymore and it's obvious.

Gerard and Dale are both in bands but the difference between the two is almost too obvious, for example MCR hasn't got so much as a head nod from a record company and as far as I know he hasn't made a single cent from his music.

Dale's band All The Cool Kids have won awards for their albums, singles and music videos, they've been on two world tours and have performed at places like Madison Square Garden and the House of Blues in New Orleans.

I've always known my brother, I've always been able to rely on my brother. He's what I'm familiar with, I don't have to change anything or acclimate myself around him. I don't know Gerard as well as my brother...and I don't have time to get to know him.

I need a safe bet, my baby needs a safe bet and Gerard just isn't safe enough.

"I'm so sorry," I felt myself automatically murmur, I know what I'm going to do, I know what I need to do and it fucking breaks my heart but I haven't got any other option. I'm gonna be a mom and it's my job to make sure that this baby is gonna have what it needs even if it's at the expense of my own feelings...

Or at the expense of someone else's.

If this was some kind of perfect world where everything worked out exactly the way people wanted it to everything would be fine, but it wasn't and even then I'd probably be dead if things were controlled by wishes. I'm not a hundred percent blind when it comes to the death glares Tiffany gives me, I know she wants nothing more than to witness me being ripped apart by a pack of rabid dogs; I know it mainly because I wish the same for her and a couple of the other girls I've come across in my life.

Iris is going to hate me for leaving her like this, she's gonna hate me and she's gonna be in the right.

What will Luka think, I wonder; I haven't even seen him at the concert tonight, he mightn't have even been able to come here for some reason. I've always thought he's an understanding kinda guy, I reckon he'd be smart enough to figure out that I'm better off, that everyone's better off if I leave before this turns into one big drama that never ends. It's hard to have people hate you when you're not around to be hated.

My parents will undoubtedly be smug, they love getting their what they want and even after abandoning me like some kind of unwanted dog they'll still think I've only done this to make their lives just that little bit better.

Dale, he'll be as happy and smug as my parents since he loves getting his way as much as they do; although he'd deny it to his grave that he's more like Mom and Dad than Chrissy is, after all she's the daughter of two more or less homophobes and she's had more girlfriends than he has.