Love, Out of Nothing At All

The Blame

Chrissie sat across from Brian at his small kitchen table. "I can't believe we're stayin' at such a fancy hotel for the wedding when we live just fifteen minutes away." Chrissie said, passing a spoon to Brian. He tilted his head sideways.

 "John and Veronica's parents wanted this done up right. I don’t blame them really. I can't believe they put us up in a room." Brian commented, taking the spoon from her. The radiator kicked and knocked as it heated the room, the valance over the kitchen window fluttering in the warm air. They were quiet for a few moments.

 "Those rooms were booked months ago." Chrissie said rather solemnly. Brian looked across the table at her, dishing out some carrots into his plate.

 "Yeah." Was all he said.

 "The out of town guests paid for theirs. It was so nice of John’s parents to pay for our nights' stay. I guess since we arrive early Saturday it makes sense to have the rooms as long as possible. But I just wish they would take some money from us."

 "I offered to John several times and he just kept saying it's taken care of, shut up. If that’s what his parents want it’s fine with me. So, when should we pack? I have nothing together.” He said trading the carrots for the zucchini casserole. Brian smiled all over.

 "We need to get packed soon. We’re all getting dressed and ready there so we better take everythin’ we think we’ll need.” Chrissie traded Brian the casserole for the bread pudding. “Rehearsal dinner is Friday night at 7:30. We gotta’ be at the hotel Saturday morning at 9:30, get checked in and we have time to ourselves until around 11:00.” Chrissie laughed. “Well, except for Lydia and Veronica and John and, well…everyone in the wedding party. They’ll be busy as hell all morning." She looked down at her plate. She and Brian were quiet again.

 Lydia and..." Chrissie stopped and thought a moment, holding on to the warm bowl of bread pudding and not proceeding with taking any for herself. "Well, they were supposed to be in the junior suite off the bridal parlor. The best man and his wife are in the other. It's on the penthouse floor of the hotel...the top." Chrissie said. She proceeded to plop some bread pudding into her plate.  She sat the bowl down and took hold of the pitcher, pouring herself a glass of iced tea.

 “You and I should do somethin’ this weekend.” Brian insisted.

 “Like what?” Chrissie questioned. Brian shrugged and took the bread pudding.

 “I don’t know. Just…something. Just you and me at the hotel. There’s gonna’ be so many people there this weekend and we could easily get lost in the crowd, ya’ know?” Chrissie smiled at Brian.

 “I think it’s a wonderful idea.” She said. “Oooh Brian, just think…you…me…John and Veronica! I love weddings. They are always so very romantic and you have that closeness for everyone there!” Chrissie said dreamily. She could easily get swept away, but that was okay. Brian loved Chrissie’s enthusiasm for little things in life that got her so excited. He smiled at her.

 “I’m glad you’re so excited, sweetie. When are you girls takin’ Veronica out, anyway?”

 “Wednesday.” Chrissie answered. Brian shook his head.

 “I think that might be when we’re gonna’ take John out…err…in, rather. We’re playin’ scrabble and havin’ champagne…Freddie and Roger planned it.” Brian shared. Chrissie laughed.

 “We’re takin’ Veronica bar hopping. She’s so excited. Chrissie smiled but it quickly dissipated. “Brian…who’s Roger stayin’ with…at the hotel?” I asked. He pressed his lips together. Neither of them said anything.

 “I don’t know.” He finally said. “Freddie and Mary have already made it clear that he’s not staying with them Saturday night. I told Freddie that he’s not stayin’ with us, either.” Brian said. Chrissie put her fork down and had a worried look spread over her face. She didn’t say anything and neither did Brian. Brian pushed his plate aside and picked up his glass.

 “It’s my fault.” He finally said. Making eye contact with Chrissie.

 “What?” she asked.

 “It’s my fault…Chrissie.” Brian suddenly looked very distraught as he blinked several times and exhaled heavily. He pushed his plate aside for the time being. “I was passed out. I was passed the fuck out…on the couch. John and Freddie had already left…the last thing I remember…” Brian thought for a moment. “The last thing I remember is her…she…she was sittin’ on Roger’s lap. I don’t remember anythin’ else.” Brian paused and put his hand on his forehead. “God…why…why didn’t I…”

 “Hey, hey…hey. Honey, don’t do this. No…no.” Chrissie got up and walked around the table to Brian. She took him in her arms and kissed the side of his face. “Don’t say that. It is absolutely not your fault. You can’t control the moral decisions of anyone, honey. What happened…happened and you are completely innocent in all this. Please…don’t beat yourself up, Brian.” Chrissie pleaded with him. Brian pulled Chrissie onto his lap.

“Roger’s such a good friend to me.” Brian shook his hand and let his fingers move up and down Chrissie’s back. “I wasn’t a good friend to him. Obviously, we were too drunk, just…much too drunk. I mean ridiculously drunk. And that’s not an excuse; it’s just a fact. I let him down.” Chrissie clenched her fist.

 “Damn right it’s not an excuse! It doesn’t take much to keep your pants…” Chrissie could feel herself getting angrier and angrier. She didn’t finish her thought but instead shifted to another. “I could kill him! I cold just kill ‘im! I don’t understand how…” She gained control of herself and shook her head. “It’s not your fault. The point is, nothing is your fault, honey.”

 “I seriously wonder how the hell all of us are going to get through this weekend. It’s not gonna’ be easy.” Brian sighed. “I worry…I worry that Lydia is gonna’ think I’m takin’ his side and I’m not…I am not condoning what he did…but Roger is my friend…one of my best friends, in fact. I have got to be there for him, Chrissie. I wasn’t there for him when he needed me.” Brian explained, holding on to her a little tighter. Chrissie seemed a little disappointed with this answer. She leaned her head over against Brian’s.

 “Don’t say that Brian. You don’t know that. Stop blamin’ yourself for things out of your control.” Chrissie kissed him. Brian turned his face toward Chrissie, pressing his lips into hers.

 “I love you.” He told her quietly. Brian looked thoughtful for a moment.

 “I…I wanna’ ask you something uncomfortable.” He sighed. “I think I already know the answer. “I realize…the trust is bent...but…does Lydia still love him?” Brian looked at Chrissie with begging eyes. Chrissie locked her eyes on Brian’s. She gazed at him longingly, putting her hand on the side of his face.