Love, Out of Nothing At All

Tough and Fragile

Roger wiped my eyes with Brian’s handkerchief that he had tucked away in the inner pocket of his suit jacket. I laughed, a bit embarrassed for myself as I sniffed and Roger wiped the awful black smudges underneath my eyes. So much for my makeup, I looked like an absolute mess now. Tears were still rolling from my eyes and the truth was…I had absolutely no idea what had even made me cry like this to begin with.

 “I’ve missed you so much.” Roger told me quietly as he continued wiping my eyes dry. I exhaled heavily as the wind cut through me since Roger had only one arm around me at this point.

 “I’ve missed you too, sweetheart.” I sniffed again. “Oh, god…” I sighed again. “Shit…”

 “What is it babe? What’s wrong? Tell me.” Roger begged of me. I shook my head.

 “Just…Ooooh…I just…this hasn’t been easy, Rog. Hasn’t been easy.”

 “Do you forgive me?” he asked.

 “Don’t say that…I forgave you the moment you told me. That’s hardly the point, sweetheart.” I explained as Roger tucked the handkerchief away again and took me in his arms once more.

 “I know, I know. I just…so many things have been goin’ through my mind. It’s been drivin’ me crazy. I wish I could take it all back, Lyd.”

 “Stop. Mistakes are what make us who we are. I love you for the flaws, Rog. But I needed for you to learn that and figure that out on ya’ own…and I needed you to know the pain of being damaged. I promised you that I’d keep you grounded.” I inhaled Roger’s intoxicating smell as I buried my face in his neck. I hadn’t felt that tawny blonde hair all over me in a month. I rubbed my cheek against his neck, part of it on his skin and part against velvet.

 “You put up a hard, hard front, Lyd. Sometimes I wish you weren’t so tough.” Roger leaned his head over against mine.

 “You put up a hard front too, sweetheart. But you’re fragile…maybe even…more fragile than I am.” Roger lifted my face to his. Those big blue eyes were glassy as he pressed his lips into mine again. I could feel him slide his hands around my cold, naked back.

 “Come on, you’re so cold. I don’t want ya’ to be cold. Let’s go back inside, babe.” Roger kissed me again and I shook my head. “I don’t understand why the hell ya’ can’t smoke in that ballroom. ‘Ey, Lyd. Guess what?” Roger asked me as he went over to the stucco wall to retrieve my lighter and my pashmina.

 “What?” I asked.

 “Veronica’s pregnant! John told me before the wedding!”

 “I know that.” I answered as Roger wrapped me up in black velvet.

 “Oh…yeah, I guess…I guess that would make sense. Guess what else? I was sittin’ with John in this room in the church and this priest comes in. He was wearin’ all these robes and he asked me if I had any confessions! So, I told him I didn’t wanna’ talk about it and then he prayed for me an’ John. He did that thing that everyone kept doin’ in the ceremony where ya’ move your hand over your heart or somethin’?” Roger explained a little excitedly. I laughed as I wiped my eyes again.

 “Yeah, yeah…I….I’m not completely sure what that is either.” I kept laughing, partly from relief, partly from release and partly because it was funny that Roger knew that neither of us had a clue what was going on durin’ that ceremony. Roger smiled that absurdly beautiful smile at me before breaking out into laughter with me which only made me laugh harder. Roger took me in his arms again.

 “God, I’ve missed your sweet laughter, babe. I’ve missed it so much.”

 “I’ve missed your arms, your smell, your hair in my face…the weight of you on me…I’ve missed everythin’ sweetheart.” I assured him. I jumped in Roger’s arms at the sound of a banging on the glass wall behind us. It startled Roger also. He turned around and we both looked to the window. Chrissie and Brian were standing there flailing about. The hand motions appeared to alternate between: ‘get in here!’ ‘What are you doing?’ ‘It’s cold out there!’ and ‘hurry back in here’. Roger interlaced his fingers with mine.