Demon Stories

Saya: Your Desire, Your Dream, 1995, Japan

Saya

Your Desire, Your Dream

1995, Japan

There is a girl following me. Wherever I go, she is usually there. She peers into my usual haunts, orders what I order at restaurants. When our eyes meet, she hides behind a menu, her hands, whatever is available. I don't know how old she is, yet she is a child to me. And yet. She is adorable. 

On this day in the height of Summer, I do something deliberate: I leave my wallet on the chair next to mine at our favorite cafe. A mistake, an oversight? It appears that way to her, the sweet honey child. To me it is a plan. I want something to happen. I want to move on from this curious cautious phase. 

Now it is I who is nervous, watching her. She notices immediately as I'm leaving that my wallet is on the chair. My quick eyes can see her indecision, her desire to open her mouth. She raises a cautious finger ever so slightly, then decides not to reluctantly. She looks troubled, saddened at herself. I get up, gathering my small bag, throw away my trash, and walk out of the cafe confidently. 

Safely outside of the cafe, I observe her walk over to where I had just been. She sits down and picks up the wallet carefully. Smiling a little to myself, she does exactly what I knew she would do. She peels open the wallet and I know what she is doing. She is looking for my name. Very rude of her, and she is blushing very hard doing it. It goes against her usual character, but her love is so strong. She can not help herself, and I must chuckle at this innocent display of boldness. She stares at the clear window with my fake business card in it for a few seconds, then folds the wallet shut, walks up to the counter, and hands the wallet over to the person behind the counter. 

I breathe inward sharply as she turns towards the front door and begins to walk out. From my safe spot, I observe her looking around outside the front doors for a chance of spotting me -perhaps walking hurriedly back to the cafe for my wallet?-, then looking a bit disheartened, and walking slowly in the left direction. 

Watching her leave, part of me feels a sudden regret. She is a child with a crush. What does she think would come of it? Child fantasies, a wild love? I don't look like someone her age. Perhaps she is captivated by my slightly older look, desiring a romance with an older boy. Someone more experienced, who can do things for her which high school boys can not. Yet, she is not the type of girl to play around, or to be with men here and there. She is not one of those girls. What would possess such a girl as her to pursue such a dream?

When she is out of sight, I return to the cafe and retrieve my wallet from the person behind the counter. But there is a surprise. As I turn to leave, the person behind the counter opens her mouth nervously. "Please wait," she says in a lowered voice. I look back at her, my eyebrow raised in my surprise, a bad habit. "Please," she says again, gesturing for me to come a little bit closer in our private conversation. She leans in, and says secretively, "please take care of Yuuko. She is my little cousin. Don't hurt her." She bows at me and then looks at the customer behind me with a broad smile and a nod, ready to serve. 

I stare at this young woman for half a second. With her dyed reddish-brown hair and older manner, I had completely missed her resemblance to her cousin all these weeks. Feeling ashamed and caught, I nod back at her and leave the cafe.