You Can't Choose (BoyxBoy)

Chapter Twenty Two

They had gone out to eat at a cafe in the next town over that gave you canvases and paint along with coffee. Jake had pulled out his chair for him, and held his hand, and laughed at all of his stupid jokes. He had painted alongside of him and complimented Cole on his brush strokes. He had allowed Cole to try a bite of his sandwich and shared his chips with him. He had been perfect, the date had gone perfect, but Cole found, at the end of it, that the entire night he hadn't felt anything but friendship.

Not even a flutter of his heart when Jake compliment his appearance of laughed at his joke and said, "you're so adorable".

It was absolutely perfect, just what Cole had always dreamed his first- though technically second- date with his dream man would go.

But in his dreams, he hadn't spent the whole night thinking about another man. He hadn't kept bringing his fingers to brush against his lips that had been kissed just minutes before his date. In Cole's dreams, at the end of the date, he hadn't ducked out of the way of the perfect man's lips.

He hadn't even realized he was about to do it, he just had, and Jake's lips met the skin of his cheek. "Oh," Cole said, his eyes very wide as Jake sighed and pulled away to look down at him. "I'm... sorry". For a second, Jake looked like he was thinking about trying again, so Collier placed a hand on his chest, forcing distance between them. "I can't, Jake".

The expression on Jake's face could only be described as wounded. "Cole... I thought you said you wanted to go out on a date".

"I did," Collier promised and then dropped his eyes. "I do, Jake. I do".

"Then what's the problem?" Jake demanded, gently pushing Collier's hand off of his chest before closing the distance between them, cupping Cole's face.

Before their lips could meet, Collier put an end to it with his words. "I wanted to go out on a date Jake. Just not with you". He watched as Jake's face slowly crumpled, and then the boy was turning away from him. "Jake-"

"No," he said, bracing himself against the railing of the porch and Collier just chewed his lip watching him. "I get it, Cole. I really do. Part of me knew it would end like this. The way you were looking at him over lunch today was a pretty good indication".

"Jake-"

"Do you love him?" Cole winced at the question. "You owe me an honest answer".

So he gave him one. "I don't know". Jake glanced over his shoulder at him. "Don't look at me like that, I'm serious". Cole moved to stand next to Jake and looked out across his lawn. "He drives me crazy. I don't know if he's playing hard to get, or if he's an asshole, but he acts like he wants nothing to do with me one second, and then he kisses me and... none of it matters anymore. He understands the things that are important to me, and somehow always knows how to make me feel better but also sometimes is the reason I feel worse".

"You're in love with him," Jake decided for him and Cole sighed heavily, glancing at the tall boy out of the corner of his eye. "It's okay, Cole. I'm not upset with you". Jake turned to him then and enveloped him in a tight hug. "You deserve to be happy, and I don't make you happy".

Collier feet tears prick at the corners of his eyes and sniffled as he slid his arms around Jake's neck. "You do make me happy," he insisted and Jake kissed the side of his head.

"Not the way you need me too," Jake said. "Not in the way that will make me love you". Collier sniffled, his fingers curling into the back of Jake's shirt. "Hey hey hey". Jake forced Cole back enough to see his tears and then wiped them away with his thumb. "Don't be sad. It's okay". Collier, embarrassed, pulled away from Jake and turned back to his front lawn. "Cole-"