Low

Chapter 27--Lonely Little Fellow

Logan

Friday night. The inevitable fear of someone who has no life. Everyone is out partying and getting drunk. Then you've got the notorious studiers who are spending it at the library. A few people might be chilling out in their dorms or having a 'night in' with their love life. Between the midnight and two a.m. booty calls are sent out.

And then you've got me: Slicing up apples and scooping peanut butter to share with my dog while my cat licks herself on the counter. It's the life—I'm telling you.

I've got every kind of apple there possibly is. Vero and I went into the fresh market where we both bought bags of apples. And what more can I be doing on a Friday night than spending it at home with my pets and apples. I might as well belong to a Dr. Seuss book. Honestly: Green apples, red apples, the ones that look kind of yellow. Whenever you see Logan just know he's a lonely little fellow.

It hasn't been that great of a week if I'm being truthful. I hate being the middle man or whoever it is that gets stuck in the worst position possible. Dancing used to be my only relief from myself, but now whenever I go to the studio Harper is there. Even if I want to get my mind off of my anxiety, seeing her causes different emotions to arise. It's frustrating. Tina finally gave me the spare key to the studio after I asked to stay late every night.

Even just now, I've come back from the studio. Sur was with me and once I came home I took my usual shower and now I'm preparing dinner. A lot of people I know like to stress eat. Or stress bake. When I'm this stressed out, I take Veronica's advice and binge on apples and peanut butter, frozen grapes, and if she decides to come over we always end up drinking wine.

A few years ago, whenever I was stressed out I simply wouldn't eat. I mean, my stomach wouldn't let me. Even now I have to force myself sometimes like right now. When I used to not eat, I would be weak and very low on energy. I once almost passed out because it was days since I had a decent meal. Now, I at least try to eat once a day. Even if it is just apples. Or whipped cream.

The point is, I'm trying really hard not to think about anything. But the harder I try the more I realize I am thinking. I guess to make it easier for you to understand, just relate it to this: Sometimes when I'm in bed trying to fall asleep I can't. I catch myself in my thoughts and think, No Lo. You need to sleep. Fall asleep. But just because I want to doesn't mean it happens and most of the time, I don't fall asleep. I just stay awake even though I'm trying to force myself to sleep.

I wish I could just forget in the blink of an eye. Or least, not feel the way I do right now. Instead, I'm stuck in this constant state of anxiousness, fear, and guilt. As if my depression wasn't bad enough.

My phone rings beside me and I quickly pull it out of my pocket. I take a deep breath when I see the caller and click the green button before placing it on speaker and resuming with my dinner. "Hey," I say half-heartedly.

"Have you had a chance to look at the pictures all the photographers took at the banquet?" Veronica asks me somewhat hysterically.

I frown, "No. Why?"

Yesterday just before retreating to bed, I received a small package from the head of our photographer. Inside was a flash drive with a letter that explains all the pictures have been loaded onto the stick. I honestly wasn't in the mood to go through thousands of pictures. Now it's just tossed onto the counter waiting to be seen.

Veronica takes a deep breath like she doesn't know what to say. "Well let me just say baby brother," I can almost picture the smirk on her face simply by hearing the tone of her voice. "I'm not sure if there was mistletoe underneath that gazebo but you and Harper locking lips looks a lot more beautiful than you'd think."