reflection of me

numb

*8 years ago*
instead of taking the bus home today, me and spazz walked home cause some fuck niggas had been talking down on us like we ain't have shit to prove. we took a route where we knew we would run into them niggas.
"aye there they go bro", spazz said pointing to a crack house. see i wasn't too familiar with guns like spazz so i was prepared to throw them hands, but spazz brought that 9 for backup. we approached them niggas ready for all action. "so what's all that shit you was talking the other night, wassup i'm right here now nigga" spazz said serious as hell.  "shiiddd wassup shorty what you tryna do", some nigga said approaching us. i instantly stuck that nigga! we went off them hands for a minute until another nigga decided to jump in on spazz. i guess we didn't notice it was 5 against 2, but shit that ain't stop nothing. shit started getting hectic, me and spazz had niggas on our ass but they wasn't getting us down for nothing. spazz reached for his pistol and this big darkskin debo looking ass nigga snatched that shit.
next thing i know we got 2 guns pointing at our head son. shit got quiet as hell! damn, i just knew i was about to lose my life, only at 13. "speak up now fuck nigga!", debo ass said. it was quiet for a while.."shid do what you gotta do pussy", spazz said. i looked at that nigga like he had to be crazy as  hell. debo chuckled, "so his ass think he got heart", he laughed harder and looked at his peon as friends.."this lil nigga think he got heart".  "fuck wrong with this kid yo", some short dude said. he quickly got serious, "count to ten, and i got you", he said. we ain't say not a word, fuck they thought this was.
we heard a loud spin coming around the corner, seconds later we heard mad gunshots coming our way. me and spazz both flew to the ground. i got up and ran behind this tree, i look around and spazz was coming behind me. more and more gunshots came, debo took a faceshot i dead saw that shit. that nigga died instantly. the niggas that came around the corner got out the whip and walked up on the opps still letting out shots! i'm like what the fuck! "the fuck going on g?!", i yelled to spazz. "ion know who them niggas is", he replied. the rest of the opps just ran around the corner.
it got quiet as hell again, ima admit a nigga started getting a little nervous, didn't know what would happen next.. "aye where y'all at shorty?", some nigga yelled. we just looked at each other.. we heard footsteps coming near us. "come on let's just get up bro he coming", i whispered. we both hesitated but we got up. "everything cool g, don't be scared", he said. then two other niggas followed behind him. "who is you?", i asked. "my name pap, you'n know me but i use to be cool with yo big brudda", he replied. "my brudda?", i asked lost. "damn shorty you ain't know?", he asked. i looked at spazz and then back at him, "i appreciate what you just did.. but i think you got me confused with some other shorty g.", i said. "na nigga i know exactly who you is.. you ain't know you had a brudda name swervo?.. his ass was official but some fuck niggas popped em.", he said. i just looked at him.. "come with me, we can talk about this shit some other place", he said.
"what y'all niggas doing out this way anyway?", he said. "them niggas tried to play us pussy so you know we had to merch it!", spazz said. "aahhh i feel you shorty but stay out from this way y'all asses could've been dead today", pap said. "word, preciate that bro", spazz replied. "already knowing, swervo was like my brudda it's only right to watch out after his"...
just sitting there, in the middle of this waiting room..feeling lifeless. all i could do was reminisce it's like when it's coming to a end with somebody all you can think about is the beginning. it's like life wasn't going on around me anymore, just me sitting in a dark room talking to God. promising him change if he let my nigga stay here with me, praying for forgiveness for all the shit i then did, wishing it was me instead of him. at that moment i couldn't feel shit! i was numb to the situation i felt completely empty inside.
"shawn.. i'm so sorry shawn", april just kept saying over and over laying her head on my shoulder crying her eyes out. i heard what she was saying but i couldn't open my mouth to respond. all i could do is think about what could possibly be going on in that room that they wouldn't let me in for shit. "i know he's going to be okay baby.. he got to", april said. i looked around me, i couldn't do nothing but stare at his mom she was bawling her eyes out.. on the phone with paps younger brother, he was out of town at the moment. this shit was killing me, i wanted to leave that place and go find them niggas but they unknown asf. the niggas that was with pap said it was a drive by but they knew it was some rusty ass chevy.
a nurse finally walked out the door to us looking disappointed as fuck. "i'm so sorry you guys.. he couldn't make it, we tried everything we could do.", she said. "oh my lorddd!", his mom screamed.. my heart dropped.