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Cira Castello

My mama has all the windows open this morning

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My mama has all the windows open this morning.

The morning wind carries in cold air, and the distinguishable but indescribable scent that is nature wafts past my nose.

I spoon cereal into my mouth lazily, letting the chilly wind cool down my body that is shaking with nerves.

My mama pours me a cup of tea, mixing in a dollop of honey. She stirs it in silence, watching me from the corner of her eyes with worry.

To say the past few days have been tough isn't accurate- they have been brutal.

I got a call from Will's mother yesterday, explaining what had happened. What had really happened. Rumors had gathered in school almost immediately- each one more ridiculous than the next.

She had told me that Will had suffered from a heart complication called Bradycardia, which had caused him to faint. But it was when she said that it had been brought on because of Anorexia, that my breath got trapped in my throat.

How had I not noticed anything? How had I not seen the signs?

But I did didn't I?

The way he panicked when food got mentioned, the way he so cautiously ate. How his jaw line had become sharper, his cheeks more hollow, and his eyes seemed to sink into his face.

How his once so muscular physique seemed to shrink in size, hidden under baggy clothes.

His cold hands. His pale skin.

His exhaustion.

But he had kept it all so secret.

I had not been looking for the signs, because I had let myself believe that popular, male jocks do not get eating disorders. But that really is bullshit.

Eating disorders had become so stigmatized as a girl disorder- I had simply forgotten that eating disorders are not prejudice when it comes to their victims.

Eating disorders do not care about gender, race, ethnicity, or social class. They do not care at all.

Eating disorders in males wasn't unnecessarily uncommon at Fenwick High. More like it simply wasn't acknowledged. No one said anything when the wrestlers stuck their fingers down their throat before games, or when swimmers fasted for days so they could be faster, lighter. 

Because boys were able to keep things under control right? Not like girls who took things too far. Wrong.

"Are you going to be heading up to the hospital today?" Mama asks me passing me the warm cup.

"Mhmm." I murmur taking a sip of the warm tea. I clutch it between my hands, letting it's heat rejuvenate me. "His mom said once Will was admitted into their rehabilitation center, visitation was limited to his family only."

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