MaNan : Aching Smiles|| COMPLETED

12. Accepting Situations!

~ Sometimes acceptance is as great a virtue as forgiveness, and by accepting you pave the way for forgiveness too~

" Me", Nandini's voice lacked hesitation, and as she rose her eyes to look at a surprised Pakhi, a nervous glitter ran through her spine.

" What do you mean by that Nandini?", Pakhi walked up to her, and held her hands, demanding immediate answers, and tears rolled down Nandini's eyes once again.

Half an hour later, she was standing in a corner, nursing her red cheek, while Pakhi sat by Manik's side, her head bowed down in shame.

" I failed to be a good mother to both of you. Neither couldn I protect you from the demons of that age, nor could I protect my own son from succumbing to them. He suffered for years, and I didn't have any idea!", Few more sobs left her body as she cried hard, and Shiwali who was standing on opposite side, trying hard to stay strong looked at Nandini. She eyed her again, and Nandini walked up to Pakhi.

" I am sorry, Maa! I didn't realize what I was doing. I know that isn't going to correct anything, but Maa, I am really very so-", Pakhi had already embraced her by the time she could finish her sentence and Nandini held on to her tightly as both of them shed the tears together.

The day had been increasingly tough for Nandini, with the revelations one after the other, and though she had been at fault, Pakhi could never let her cry like that. She understood the insecurities that pushed Nandini to the wrong side, and even though she didn't say that she will forgive her, she held Nandini like a lost child, and nursed her scars too.

" You were at fault, I know, but Manik hadn't been entirely right either. He let his fears overrule him, and instead of confronting you, he kept making his own conclusions over things he heard and saw as a third person", Pakhi wiped her own tears, and Nandini's, as she spoke out her stance of the entire situation. She then left Nandini's hand and walked over to Shiwali, embracing her.

" I don't know what would have happened have you not been there", one sentence and it was enough for Shiwali to understand the depth of gratitude Pakhi's eyes reflected, alongwith the respect that glazed.

" It's okay aunty!", She gave them a formal smile before her gaze stopped on Nandini who was standing very still, her eyes fixed down, her chin wobbling with the effort that she put to not cry out loud.

" Nandini!", Shiwali called out, surprising Nandini, and slowly walked up to her, keeping a comforting hand on her shoulder. With a very soft touch, she jerked her chin upwards to make Nandini look up into the eye.

" Hey, it's okay. It's not all your fault", Nandini's eyes dilated at the soulful and comforting words Shiwali spoke, and in that moment,she realized how wrong had she been in judging Shiwali.

"Depression is not always very factual Nandini. And you can almost never pin point the cause. In Manik's case the past you guys shared might have been a trigger but not the entire reason. It doesn't work that way. Moreover you didn't say anything to him right? It was he, whose fate was doomed that he was at all those wrong places at wrong time. So, please don't feel this guilty okay? He will be fine, I promise", Shiwali might have explained more, but Nandini cut her off by hugging her tight, and Shiwali smiled as she rubbed her back too, softly.

" I am sorry, I am so sorry", Nandini cried out, and to Pakhi it seemed as she was apologizing for whatever happened between Manik and her, but Shiwali knew that it was also for the rude remarks Nandini had hurled her way, and for also behaving stupid since she came here.

Shiwali smiled at her as she gave both the women some water, and asked them to wash their faces. The entire afternoon had been too heavy and outrageously drastic and now that it was close to dusk, they needed energy for the night to pass too.

Some time later, Manik stirred and it took him sometime to open his eyes and adjust to the light. He blinked a few times, when he could finally focus Shiwali's face, and she helped him sit up. Detaching the cannula from his hand, she gave him a glass of glucose water, which he finished without any tantrums. His entire throat felt dry and his head had started aching too.

" Shiwi?", Manik called her when he saw her hiding her eyes from him. She had been strong the entire day and she didn't want to break down now for sure.

Talking a deep breath she turned to the other side, wiping out whatever moisture was left in her eyes. She then turned back to face him, and sat beside him.

"It had been quite a long time since you had a panic attack Manik. What happened today?", She didn't beat around the bush and asked him directly.

" I don't know", Manik rubbed the area between his eyes with his fingers and shook his head.

" You do", Shiwali gave no heed to his answer.

"Shiwi, I-", Manik looked up to find her already looking up at him.

No gain lying to her, he realized. She probably knew the answer already.

" Will you do the honours or should I say it for you?", Shiwali asked again and Manik looked up at her startled. He expected her to be angry, but there was nothing in her voice. No anger, no pain, nothing. Just her usual soft, comforting tone, and yet, it seemed so unusual to him.

When he didn't say, anything, she sighed before moving closer to him, and holding his hand.

" It was Nandini, isn't it? Or rather say, her lack of explanations?", She questioned him and he lowered his eyes, a gesture enough for her to realize that she had been on the right track.

" All these years I have known you Manik, you kept blaming her, saying that she means nothing to you, anymore. But today I don't think that it holds true anyway!", Shiwali rubbed his hand with the pad of her thumb in circles and Manik froze at her words.

"All these days she had been here, you wanted her to apologize to you, to give you reasons of her actions. Didn't you?", Shiwali continued, she knew it was now or never.

She also understood that whatever she was about to say is going to hurt him, but it was needed for him at the same moment. He needed this push. She had not said it aloud, but being his doctor, she knew that there was a fair chance we would deteriorate if not pulled out right now.

" You know what? If she had been wrong, you have been worse. You have been insulting her right, left and center the moment she came back. You bad-mouthed her too. And also, you never confronted her when you were supposed too. Agreed, she made mistakes. But as her best friend, what did you do? Did you correct her? No. Then why are you grumbling only about her?", Shiwali rose her voice and Manik looked at her dumbfounded.

"Shiwi?", He couldn't believe she was saying all that to him.

" Don't shiwi me Manik. You are wrong too. Accept it!", She threw her hands in the air and picked up her handbag.

"Oh, by the way, aunty knows everything now!", She spoke before moving out but Manik held her hand and pulled her in.

"What the hell? What do you think of yourself? Why did you tell that to Maa? Are you mad, Shiwali? You have any idea how much this will hurt her?", Manik screamed at her, the hold of his hands on her wrist reddening her skin.

"Exactly the same amount it is hurting Nandini to know that she is responsible for your condition", Shiwali's answer shocked Manik and he loosened the grip on her.

She freed her hand from him and left the room, wiping her eyes and trying to curb the sobs that threatened to leave her right then. Downstairs, Pakhi saw Shiwali leaving the house in hurried steps and in the next moment, she also witnessed Manik coming down.

" Maa!", He ran to her as pakhi stood up, cupping his face.

" Why didn't you tell me Manik?", Pakhi asked, and Manik shook his head, asking her to not cry.

"I just didn't want you to worry maa, and also, I didn't want you to judge her!", Manik's voice was low, and he simply held his mother in his arms as she rubbed his back and he drew some warmth from her.

"Manik!", Nandini's feeble voice caught their attention in the next instant.