helpless crush || lams fluff fanfic HAMILTON

chap 4: "John is in a state"

(picture is from congratulations animatic by mush roomie btw)

alex pov

jhons chest rises and falls calmly, his face at peace, his rugged hair scattered around his face, his sweet plump lips had fallen open, his tall muscular body spread out on the hard wooden floor. my eyes were set on the sleeping boy for a good ten minutes until I was knocked out of my trance. greeted by a sleepy jhon, slowly opening his bright green eyes to see the sunlight. I was still laying on the floor, as peaceful as he was, looking at him, admiring the curves of his body as he rose himself up to sit.

"morning jhon" I slurred, still intoxicated by his eyes.

"Oh, Alex.." he said, surprised at me, laying next to him. "y-you..." he looked down, a furrowed brow, I caught a glint of sorrow in his eyes before they shifted to mine, still holding the same look, "..yeah, morning Alex.." he shifted his head down, glancing at the floor before getting up and walking to the kitchen, leaving me by myself. I guess Peggy had early classes, I had none today.

shifting my body up to the sofa, my sides ached from the uncomfortable wooden floor, I propped myself on the soft sofa sleepily. I wondered what on earth was up with jhon, and also, what had happened last night? I'm sure he knew, but ill press him later, we just woke up anyways.

he walked into the room, slowly and slouched, holding a hot cup of coffee in his hand. he sat on the sofa, in thought, not next to me though, a mile away from me it seemed, now I'm worried. I raised my hand into his shoulder in one quick movement, opening my pursed lips, only to be cut off by jhon shooting me a scared glare, kindness still prominent in his eyes, yet fear taking over it. I was stopped in my tracks.

"Alex what -" he sighed sharply and moved my hand away "what do you want?" 

"n-nothing, I just-" wanted to know if you were okay, John... 

he sat up and walked away from me sharply, another almost annoyed sigh leaving his lips, a clearly pained look glazed over his eyes, his smile was lost as he walked across to his bed. leaving me almost speechless at the expression he had pulled...what?

"I'm going to get ready for class Alex, please just leave already, okay?" he said sternly, an element of sadness still on his features, shooting me yet another sharp look.

--------------------------------Alex's dorm------------------------------------

I rushed over to my bed and collapsed on it heavily. close to tears, it's crazy how one person has enough power to hurt you so much. what happened? what did I do? why is he acting like this? what do I do? how can I help him? I thought, rolled up into a ball, helpless. and I stayed like that for almost an hour, that and the hangover was enough to bare...

I was filling to the brim with worry about jhon, but also with hurt, I felt like an annoyance to someone who usually...appreciated me..and I don't even know what I did. I shifted in my secure bed sheets, johns words still filling my mind until a familiar buzz filled my ears. my phone, the thing I'd avoided, John was all over it.

notification- imessage- HERC: meet us at the tree behind the school if you can.

ALEX: okay? ill be there in five.

I heaved myself out of bed, looking a mess, I didn't care... I was one. I longed deeply for an explanation, and...well, someone to talk too. being the ungathered mess I am, I accepted. this seems fine, I need this I thought while slipping on a new shirt and stepping out of my dorm.

-------------------------------------at the tree with herc and laf-------------------------------------------

"You wanna tell us what happened? John is in a state, and you've been in hibernation for the day." they came out with, looking tired and stern. but not angry thank god. '