helpless crush || lams fluff fanfic HAMILTON

chap 15: "don't act all innocent.."

Johns pov

nervously walking out of science, I hope and wonder if I still have time to set up everything before Alex gets to the dorm, I know he's usually ten minutes or twenty, so ill have time to set everything up but I can't help but worry. I've seen he's been on edge today, I have been too I guess, but whatever. so as soon as I get out of the class, I weave through the rush of students and make my way to our dorm, walking through the field across to the big grey building, the lifeless statue that holds our dorms.

I walk through the hall and make my way to our dorm, unlocking the wooden door and cautiously peeking over the door, checking for any small boyfriends. STATUS: NONE!. I crept through the room with empty happiness and took some vanilla candles out of the cupboard, flicking a single match, lighting them one by one and setting them across the room, mostly around the sofa we would snuggle on. made my chest beat a little harder when I thought about it, in a good way, I think. then I took out that red fluffy blanket Alex secretly sleeps with (don't call me a creep I'm just in love) and set it out on the sofa, I had puffed out and perfectly set the cushions beforehand. after, I head to the kitchen to pour wine that I saved from last night, pouring two extremely full glasses, and placing the bottle on the table. I then set the lights dark and turned Netflix on...mean girls. I'm good for the night, and I've still got at least 5 minutes until Alex comes!! 

I set myself on the sofa and waited, eventually deciding to go on my phone for the time being. scrolling through Instagram, I felt knives in my head and I felt my heart deepen. I guess the day just got to me right there right then, I don't know what was so bad about today... I do a bit, but it's not bad, it was just nothing. I watched a youtube video. then a second one. then a third one. its been t least 20 minutes and he's not here, after all, that's happened, I'm starting to get worried, I know Alex can take care of himself, but I also know how goddam easy it is for his loud mouth to get him into trouble. ill give it 10 more minutes, I thought, he's probably just staying back to help, I thought, and with that, I was convinced. with that 10 minutes passed by. 20 minutes passed by...30 minutes passed by. 

turtbleboi: are you coming back??

turtleboi: where are you??

turtleboi: Alex?

turtle boi to group chat: has Alex texted any of you???

I feel close to tears with worry, no one has responded. I walk up, turn the lights on and decide to go out looking for him. I walk up to the door and reach to open it. it opens, but I didn't do so. 

"hey john, sorry for being late out." he walks to the sofa casually and sits down.

I watch him, not knowing what to really say, I feel my heart go even deeper down, I felt my eyes glaze over. I don't want to overreact, I don't want to do or say the wrong thing, I don't want t- my mind is racing while I stand there, looking at him, not knowing what to do, glued to the spot. I stared at him and he stared at me, in a room completely unfit for this situation. 

"um...john? sorry for being late, is this the surprise!" he says looking into the room, pulling a smile for me.

I didn't realize I had been glaring at him for some time, completely in my mind I guess...

"uh, yeah...okay," I say, slowly pacing towards him. I sit next to him on the rug, a considerable distance away from him. I felt sick.

"sooooooo-"

"whywereyoulate"

"...hm?"

I take a breath " why were you late?"

"its nothing, ya know? anyway what are we doing baby girl?" he smirks, completely brushing off the subject.

I take a deep breath feeling the pain in my chest, ready to say just...somethin-

"is that mean girls! omg yes, can I play it?!"

I paused and without thinking.."sure" I said awkwardly, regretting the very word as he sensually leaned into me and started the film. I felt tears welling up but wiped them away and took a deep a deep breath.

alex's Pov

Jesus, I was ready to wind down after this day, I was just happy to have a loving boyfriend by my side actually, it really doesn't make much sense at all that I have John, someone to make me feel happy when I'm sad, someone who will do this for me. I leaned into him, happy that he is here, and happy that he isn't asking questions, I know he will but I'm waiting on it for now. I love him, I know he's worried too, I can see it in how he acts, that'll calm him down.hah...and maybe I can be de-stressed in some other way if ya know what I mean wink wink...haha I'm a perv help.

he knows I love that movie ,god, I love him to bits, I lean in to give him a quick kiss, yearning to express my gratitude but he, well he awkwardly pushes me off, maybe he just doesn't want that, no, he doesn't want that now and that's okay. I can respect that. 

we've drunk the wine he brought out, he hasn't really said a word, which isn't like him but nonetheless if that's what he wants to do ill be thankful and respect that. one hour into the film I am still laying on him, I put an arm around him and I saw him squirm a little, it looks like it was a joke thing, so I laughed and snuggled up to him

"jeeze your so cute"

"don't call me cute"

"aww I will"

"don't."

"jeez okay okay"

"look, don't act all innocent okay, god you keep on hiding things from me its like I DONT EVEN FUCKING KNOW YOU!"

 I saw the glint in his eyes, anger..true hurt. I don't know what I've done! I don't know where all this is coming from, my mind fills to the brim with questions, conclusions, everything it can to help this situation, like my mind usually does, except I cant solve this. I just sit there draped in my soft sheets, watching him explode onto me.

"John, I've told you everything ...john?"

"no, no you haven't, where were you? what the hell is with you and Jefferson, whats with your father? huh? I've told you F U C K I N G EVERYTHING ALEX!"  

Johns pov

it's not all just "nothing" or "whatever"... its something.

(((i swear ill try and update this more often WHEN IM NOT READING SMU- I MEAN FLUFF HA HA MY FRIEND KNOWS ABOUT THIS NOW HI SNAKE))