helpless crush || lams fluff fanfic HAMILTON

Chap 21: side by side

Alex POV
I woke up slowly with the feeling of heat all over me, the soft covers suffocated me in this dark room, my body was aching but my mind hadn't changed. My eyes had shut themselvs again in a hope to drift back into the sleep I had woken from, trying to make this chamber of fabric any more appealing than it is now. Nothing had the emotional glaze it once had, put simply,  I didn't want to move.i have an 8am history class, i used to think of it as the most lonely class, but now I think its safe, I dont want to think about what happened, I just want to run away from it. I'm thinking about it like I have a choice to go or not -i cant miss another class.

7:46pm
God I wish I cared.

~~~~~time skip YALL'VE~~~~~~~~

The rows of people working around me were actually paying attention, tens of heads down on desks, keyboards being tapped violently to the sound of education, a wooden classroom full of only respect. I used to be them, I will be, I just need to fix everything.
"He had broken his government, friendships, and system, there was nothing he could do to properly repair them that wouldnt ruin his reputation"
our professor spoke with such matter of fact-ness about something we werent even sure of. What if he hadn't actually done it? What if he had been forced to tell everyone that he had? What the fuck is he going to do then,huh? I refrained from typing that exactly...although it felt like the truth to me.
"He had then decided to run away from his life, historians suspect that he carried out the rest of his life in France, his home town"
So he..ran away? I noticed my breathing becoming more shallow as I sat and absorbed what everyone around me was handling just fine, I tried to get a proper breath and carry on with my lesson exept i couldnt. My hand shot up.
"Did anyone find him? Didnt his friends worry? Did anyone know where he was?"
I found myself rambling to an unsuspecting class about a man who died 1000 years ago, thatll show them how fine I am.. I could feel their eyes on me, my own eyes begged for an answer.
"Well...no, all evidence points to him starting a completely new life,it seems he had done enough damage..h-"
And the rest had faded into white noise as I tried to catch my breath,this wasnt an anxiety attack but rather an epiphany.

John pov
I know seasonal deppression is a thing, but the sun isn't exactly solving my problems here....boyfriend deppression? I wish I even knew how to feel. Talking, we sit outside on one of those mouldy wooden tables they put out in the park, this park's grass stretches for miles, the scattered oak trees above us mirroring its eternal length. I was thankful for the emtyness of the park, I didnt want anyone hearing this.
"So? We call the police. Report him right now, I'm not letting him off." Peggy said - ranting at our table,maybe the only one with life?
"We cant do that. If it's not true then what are we supposed to say? To Alex? It'll all become public peggy.."
Mariah argued, I sat between the two girls, in an ingrowing battle with myself. Am I allowed to feel bad still? Am I allowed to hate him? I love him, right?? Why arnt I helping..

"John?? John?!"

"..yes?"

"Any ideas?"
Peggy responded.
"No. I mean, what am I supposed to do..?"
"Talk to him?? If we are going to report Jefferson we need to know if it's TRUE!"
"Its not like i can talk to him now??? I mean what if it isnt true, how stupid will I look,I cant do this..I CA-"
my unintentional emotional breakdown was interrupted by a
*ding!* from my phone.
The two girls stared at me with empty eyes, I'm glad I was stopped.
"I'm sorry, it's just alot.."
I muttered whilst picking my phone , pressing the button to see

ALEX💔 - iMessage
I regret everything I did, how it effected you, and everyone around me. You wont have to worry about me anymore,although I hope you'll remember me,I hope they all will. Goodb....
r e a d    m o r e