You sat in your cell, bouncing a ball against the wall as you wait for the officer to come back and drag you into the court. The one thing that they let you keep when you came in was your CD player because you were about to snap one of the women's necks if they didn't let you. You were playing Cell Block Tango from your CD of Chicago. It echoed through the empty concert walls. You heard some woman in another cell chuckle. You turn to the cell, to see a woman with ratty black hair.
"I could always relate to that song." She said. "I recently murdered someone myself. What about you?"
"I murdered my boyfriend." I said, bouncing the ball as I heard the words "some guys just can't hold their arsenic" and I smiled.
"The name's Eliza, Eliza Hamilton." She says, leaning against the bars. She licks her top teeth, looking at me darkly. She had a murderous glow, a smirk, half her face in the shadows. "What's your name, toots?"
"[name]."
"What's your story?"
I smile, standing up and leaning against the bars myself. "Let me tell you." I say.
"My husband died to hear it." She joked.
"Earlier that day I had come home when an found out that my boyfriend, John Laurens, had an affair. I was furious. I burst through the door, but I didn't see him." I started. "So I waited till he came home, waiting with his loaded shotgun. She came home, shitfaced drunk, laughing and giggling, chewing some gum. No, not chewing..."
"Poppin'!!" I screamed. "I tried to tell him about how an knew he cheated on me, but he didn't listen. He kept drinking his beer, laughing his laugh, and chewing his gum. No, not chewing, poppin'!!!! I took the shotgun and fired two warning shots..."
"After that?" She asks.
"There was no after that." I say. "Those warning shots were in the back of his head."
She chuckle. "That's quite a story."
"What's yours, 'Liza?"
"Well, I met my husband Alexander in New York City, we got married after a couple of years, everything was fine. It turns out that he was having an affair with my sister, some brunette, and multiple different men." She says. "I didn't even know he was into guys! When he came home from work, I fixed a drink."
She chuckles darkly. "Y'know some guys just can't hold their cyanide."
"Why not arsenic?" I ask.
"I already had cyanide from a....rat infestation we had had, if you get what I'm saying." She says. There was another chuckle in the room. In the cell next to Eliza, a girl with reddish brown eyes and long, wavy brown hair emerges from the darkness, looking almost as murderous as Eliza.
"Your story sounds so pathetic." She says, smiling. Eliza growls.
"Alright then, girly, what's yours?" Eliza says, venom dripping from her voice.
"I was sitting in the couch, watching TV one day, when I hear my husband call me from the kitchen. He was holding a knife in his hand. I thought I was going to get killed. He started screaming 'you've been fucking the secretary!' I stayed silent. He accidentally stabbed himself with the knife..."
"He accidentally stabbed himself ten times."
Eliza and I laughed our asses off. "Now that's a pathetic story." I say to her. She growls. There were a few different people in a cell. This man was mumbling to himself, he looked shaken. "What's up with him?"
"He's been telling everyone he didn't mean to murder his best friend." Eliza says.
Suddenly the man screams. "I didn't mean to!!!!!" He yells. "Je ne voulais pas le faire. Nous étions juste à la chasse et je ne l'ai pas vu sortir pour ramasser la caille. C'est comme s'il avait sauté devant mon fusil, je ne savais même pas que c'était lui jusqu'à ce que je le tire. Je pensais qu'il était un autre oiseau ..."
(Translation: I didnt mean to do it. we were just out hunting and I didnt see him going out to pick up the quail. its like he jumped in front of my shotgun, I didnt even know it was him until I shot him. I thought he was another bird...)
"Yeah, but did you do it?" The brunette with red-brown eyes asks.
"No!" He screams. "Not guilty!"
"Ha!" One girl yelled out. We all turn to her. She had blonde hair and blue eyes, her hair tied up in a red rubber band. "That's not even close to what happened to me."
"Oh, grow up Heather, your blackout story is so '99 horror film." Someone else says.
"Shut up, Veronica!" She yells at her. "My best friend - or more like enemy - Heather Duke and I was at a party at a local university. We had been fighting over some guy all night, I can't even remember his name now. I went to get us more drinks and when I came back, there they were - having sex on the pool table."
Everyone had gone silent except for the man mumbling to himself in French.
"I was in such I state of shock that I didn't even know I murdered them until I was washing the blood off my hands."
"Heather, we've heard that story a million times." The girl named Veronica said.
"Alright then, Veronica, why don't you tell yours?" Heather asks.
"I was dating this guy named Jason Dean, sone of Big Bud Dean's Construction company." She starts. "Real artistic and emo guy. He was always trying to find himself. While he was finding himself, he found Heather Duke and his love for blowing things up. I guess we broke up because we had conflicting opinions. He said to-mah-to and I said tomato."
"Ok, so we're all murderers/murderesses here." I say. I smile. We all shrug except for the man.
"He had it coming." Veronica says.
"They all had it coming." Maria says.
"They don't understand." Eliza says, resting her chin on her hand. "If they saw it from our perspective, they would still see it as a murder, but not a crime."
They were all right. John, you had it coming. I may have murdered you, but it was for a good reason. It was not a crime. I smiled as I thought of his face before I shot him. Priceless.
Absolutely priceless.
