I laid on the cold floor. I wasn't thinking about anything. I wanted to feel numb. I was looking at the space on the creamy painted wall. I was facing the wall.
You are alone
A tear slipped from my eye traveled from nasal bridge to my other eye. I could sense it as it left my cheek.
You will always be alone.
My inner thoughts was narrating the obvious. But truth hurt more than stabs. I have gone through much physical torment. But this agony was beyond anything I had ever sensed.
Your family is dead.
You killed them.
By this time I had lost the account of many tears that escaped. They were on the tip of my cheekbone; on the jawline; lingering on the surface of my blue lens.
You killed your twin bother.
Your protecting Father.
Your caring Mother.
And even your innocent sister.
I felt burning pain in my stomach, which rushed and spread all over my chest. It hurt so much. It was penetrating deep down, Causing holes in my heart. All my rapture leaked out from the pores. Only darkness was filled in. The darkness which hovers over my chest.
"No!!" I finally let out a muffled screams. I clutched my stomach, brought my legs close to my chest, hugged myself, wrapping my arm on my knees. Not letting any inch of me from getting dissolve in that pitch darkness.
"No... please stop." I sobbed. My hiccups took control over my voice. I wanted to say so many things but anything came out.
I sobbed louder when I felt flashes of past come on the surface from ashes. I shook my head vigorously. Those memories were beautiful days I spend with my family. Which I tried to forget. Cause now they were all pain.
My breath hitched. My heart caught acceleration. I held on my breath. My lungs refused to take in air, They wanted to be hollow. My throat was dried, my body desires for oxygen but my heart yearns for otherwise.
Hollow from air.
Still my body was Shivering. My boby wanted to be empty.
Empty from life.
My head wobbled. It wanted to erase
Erase all the memories.
But wishes don't come true in this world.
Do they, no they don't.
I was drowning, depriving myself from life.
I wanted to be loved.
But look what I got.
All the suffering increased. Increased to the extend that I wouldn't take it in.
I crawled into a ball. I was afraid of everything.
I want to die
All the air in my lungs went out completely, my throat was sore from the lack of oxygen. I pulled my hairs. Rocked back and forth. I was quietly crying.
Have faith.
Breath. Please breath.
This will be over.
Please have faith.
I saw my hands change colour. Know their tips are bluish purple, but I still held my breath in. I saw my life fadding away dissolving in gloomy darkness. The darkness was inviting me in, I was embracing it.
Breath!!
Live a little!!
Live a little for Allah.
It's a gift don't cascade it down.
Just for the sake of whom you love.
JUST FOR ALLAH!!!!
I let go a scream with the breath which I was holding for a while. I cried out loudly. My screaming was telling it all, all my sorrows, all my sufferings.
"Why... why do you save me?
Why... why am I left alone.?
Why no one cares?
Why you are giving me all this suffering?
Why...why, just tell me why...." I sobbed. My hiccups filled my room as it echoed from the walls. Reflecting the pain that I hauled.
"Why do you want me to live? I can't take it anymore?
All this pain. It burns me, stabs me, but doesn't kills me.
Why do you give me love. If you have to take it away?
Why do you steal my family from me?
Do you know who alone I am? I have on one. NO ONE IS LEFT FOR ME.
You gave me pain.
You hurt me.
You see it all, but still doesn't do anything.
Why is it so. Why am I alive now?
Why can't I die?
Why even do you created me?
If you love me. Then why torture me. What kind of love is it?
Have you forgotten me. Am I on one to you now?
All I ask was for love. And only love
Was that too much. Don't I have a right to be happy.
Don't I deserve rapture.
You didn't even give me love.
I just want love.
I just.... wanted to be loved."
I held my head low. I broke down into tears. Nothing left in me anymore. Now the unlimited well of tears was dried up.
Suddenly a voice came. Traveled all the way along my auditory senses to my thalamus. The voice of adan.
Then there was a silence, very quiet. A wave of horror and guilt run down my spine. My heart twisted to the extend that it ached. Realization hit me, cutting me into pieces. I shivered. I would feel my goosebumps.
"I am sorry. I am sorry.... I didn't mean to complain... I didn't mean to blame you..." I sobbed once again.
"I...I .... please forgive me.
I didn't mean it.... it just happened." I whimpered.
To be continued...
V.A
ESTÁS LEYENDO
Wanted to be loved (Islamic Story)
Espiritual"You will do it. You have to teach me. I will make you do it." He took a step toward me. I didn't stepped back, expressing that I was not afraid, ready for anything. "I will inform the Principal that you have caused another plight. And he will blind...
